How to Deal with a Passive-Aggressive Colleague

How to Deal with a Passive-Aggressive Colleague

Dealing with Difficult People – Three ways to deal with a passive-aggressive colleague

Advice from Wendy Smith. Wendy is a Career and Life Coach helping you find fresh perspectives on life and your career.  You can book a FREE coaching session or find out more at this link

Realising you need to deal with a passive-aggressive colleague can make you feel uncomfortable. It can be very frustrating when someone you work with agrees with a plan of action and then goes off to do their own thing. Or you sense that someone really doesn’t agree with what you just said but they say nothing. Sometimes they just make you feel subtly undermined.

Passive aggression can have a number of results including eroding confidence and not being good for harmony in the team.  But it is frequent and it can mean that you do not achieve your own goals. When you have to deal with someone who says one thing and does another or shows some other signs, try this approach.

Three ways to deal with a passive-aggressive colleague

  • Talk to them. Find a quiet private space and explain to your colleague what you’re seeing, hearing and experiencing. Describe the impact of their behaviour on you. Listen to their response and then make your suggestions for how they might change.
  • Focus on work, not the person. You need to get the work done despite your peer’s style. So don’t waste time wishing they would change. Concentrate on completing the work instead.
  • Ask for commitment. At the end of all meetings make sure you ask everyone (not just your difficult colleague) to reiterate what they are going to do and by when. Sometimes peer pressure can keep even the most passive-aggressive person on task.

Passive aggression usually means someone doesn’t have the confidence to assert themselves clearly. It usually reflects an unhappy state of mind. If you get to know this person a little better you just might be able to help them feel more confident at work.

Career coaches and life  coaches like me are around to help you thrive and succeed in challenging times at work or at home. Get in touch at this link – I would like to discuss how I can help you.

Wendy Smith is a career consultant, life coach and business coach with depth of experience in helping people lead happier lives and feel more fulfilled. She has worked in management as well as coaching and personal development, as well as starting up her own businesses. That means she is equally at home helping clients find a new career direction, starting-up a new business or dealing with life’s more challenging personal issues. 

Need help finding work, with problems at work, at home or with relationships? Book a FREE coaching session with Wendy or find out more at this link

 

Dealing with Passive-Aggressive Colleague

Dealing with Passive-Aggressive Colleague

Dealing with Difficult People – Three Ways to Deal with a Passive-Aggressive Colleague

Dealing with a passive aggressive colleague can be very challenging. For example, it can be very frustrating when someone you work with agrees with a plan of action and then goes off to do their own thing. This can have a number of results as well as not being good for harmony in the team.  But it is frequent and it can mean that you do not achieve your own goals. When you have to deal with someone who says one thing and does another, try this:

  • Talk to them Explain to your colleague what you’re seeing, hearing and experiencing. Describe the impact of their behaviour on you and provide your suggestions for how they might change.
  • Focus on work, not the person. You need to get the work done despite your peer’s style, so don’t waste time wishing they would change. Concentrate on completing the work instead.
  • Ask for commitment. At the end of a meeting ask everyone (not just the troublemaker) to reiterate what they are going to do and by when. Sometimes peer pressure can keep even the most passive-aggressive person on task.

Adapted from “How to Deal With a Passive-Aggressive Peer” by Amy Jen Su and Muriel Maignan Wilkins.

Wendy Smith is a career consultant, life coach and business coach with depth of experience in management, coaching and personal development. That experience means she is equally at home helping clients find a new career direction, starting-up new businesses or dealing with life’s more challenging personal issues. You can contact her at wendy@wisewolfcoaching.com

Wendy has written a little eBook on how to get on with your boss and a book on job search – you can find her books on Amazon at this link

         

Difficult people – stay neutral!

Difficult people – stay neutral!

Difficult people! We all meet difficult people at work and in our private lives. Dealing with difficult people is a subject that seems to generate more interest than anything else, here and at my other blog, WiseWolf’s Your Happiness Factor. So I’m making no apologies for writing about this again.

Difficult people can do more than make us unhappy.  As if that isn’t bad enough, difficult people can be bad for your health.  If you let them stress you out, that can lead to physical and the psychological problems.

If we meet difficult people in the workplace and they are work colleagues, the stress is on-going.  Even if you are the manager of a difficult person, it can take a toll.  And, if the “difficult person” is your boss, the stress can be almost intolerable. I’m not talking here about a bullying boss; just someone who is difficult to work with.

This video discusses how it is important to stay calm, stay in a neutral space and stay assertive. Try not to let them engage your emotions – you can use visualization to help do this. Accept that all you can control is how you react.

And, yes, it often helps to work with a coach.

This video from http://www.howdini.com/howdini-video-… Mary Bolster, editor of Natural Health Magazine, has some excellent reminders to help you deal with the difficult people in your life.

Wendy Smith is a career consultant, life coach and business coach with depth of experience in management, coaching and personal development. That experience means she is equally at home helping clients find a new career direction, starting-up new businesses or dealing with life’s more challenging personal issues. You can contact her at wendy@wisewolfcoaching.com

Wendy has written a little eBook on how to get on with your boss and a book on job search – you can find her books on Amazon at this link

         

People at work – how to deal with difficult people – stay neutral!

People at work – how to deal with difficult people – stay neutral!

We all meet difficult people at work and in our private lives.  Dealing with difficult people is a subject that seems to generate more interest than anything else, here and at my other blog, WiseWolf’s Your Happiness Factor.  So I’m making no apologies for posting about this again.

Difficult people can do more than make us unhappy.  As if that isn’t bad enough, difficult people can be bad for your health.  If you let them stress you out, that can lead to physical and the psychological problems.

If we meet difficult people in the workplace and they are work colleagues, the stress is on-going.  Even if you are the manager of a difficult person, it can take a toll.  And, if the “difficult person” is your boss, the stress can be almost intolerable. I’m not talking here about a bullying boss; just someone who is difficult to work with.

This video discusses how it is important to stay calm, stay in a neutral space and stay assertive. Try not to let them engage your emotions – you can use visualization to help do this. Accept that all you can control is how you react.

And, yes, it often helps to work with a coach.

You might find this  other post about learning from difficult people useful too.

This video from http://www.howdini.com/howdini-video-… Mary Bolster, editor of Natural Health Magazine, has some excellent reminders to help you deal with the difficult people in your life.

Wendy Mason is the Happiness Coach and author of a new novel, The Wolf Project Wendy is a life and career coach and writer. She is passionate about helping people find happiness at work and at home! She helps people reach their goals and aspirations, without sacrificing their home and personal life.  She believes coaching requires compassion, warmth and empathy. Wendy helps people reach their career goals and aspirations, without sacrificing their home and personal life. You can contact Wendy at wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com and find out more at http://wisewolfcoaching.com

CV review and interview preparation a speciality

  • Managing People – Dealing With Difficult Employees
  • Tuesday Quotes:Management:Encourage Your Staff
  • Happiness at Work – Becoming Indispensable

Difficult people – learning from them

Difficult people – learning from them

Thoughts for managers – learning from difficult people!

Difficult people – counsellor and trainer Susan Fee shares three lessons difficult people can teach us.

Difficult people

As managers, we need to think about what we can learn from those we manage.  But we still have to be very practical and make sure that we reconcile caring for the needs of the team, and meeting their needs, with meeting the aims of the organization.  That reconciliation is at the heart of what we do as managers.

Wendy Mason is the Happiness Coach and author of a new novel, The Wolf Project.  Wendy is a life and career coach and writer. She is passionate about helping people find happiness at work and at home! She helps people reach their goals and aspirations, without sacrificing their home and personal life.  She believes coaching requires compassion, warmth and empathy. Wendy helps people reach their career goals and aspirations, without sacrificing their home and personal life. You can contact Wendy at wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com and find out more at http://wisewolfcoaching.com

CV review and interview preparation a speciality

  • Managing People – Dealing With Difficult Employees
  • Tuesday Quotes:Management:Encourage Your Staff
  • Happiness at Work – Becoming Indispensable

Thoughts for managers – learning from difficult people!

Thoughts for managers – learning from difficult people!

Counselor and trainer Susan Fee shares three lessons difficult people can teach us.

As managers, we need to think about what we can learn from those we manage.  But we still have to be very practical and make sure that we reconcile caring for the needs of the team, and meeting their needs, with meeting the aims of the organization.  That reconciliation is at the heart of what we do as managers.

Wendy Mason is the Happiness Coach and author of a new novel, The Wolf Project.  Wendy is a life and career coach and writer. She is passionate about helping people find happiness at work and at home! She helps people reach their goals and aspirations, without sacrificing their home and personal life.  She believes coaching requires compassion, warmth and empathy. Wendy helps people reach their career goals and aspirations, without sacrificing their home and personal life. You can contact Wendy at wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com and find out more at http://wisewolfcoaching.com

CV review and interview preparation a speciality

  • Managing People – Dealing With Difficult Employees
  • Tuesday Quotes:Management:Encourage Your Staff
  • Happiness at Work – Becoming Indispensable

Managing difficult people

Managing difficult people

Managing People – Dealing With Difficult Employees

Managing difficult people – Most people you manage will be good and willing employees.  They are anxious to learn, to do their best and to get on well with their colleagues. But every manager finds themselves dealing with someone who is little difficult, at some point in their career.  For one reason or another, and it is good to find out why, this particular person is a problem.

There are ways to handle problem employees that reduce stress and minimize their taxing effect.  If you follow this plan, you should be able to deal with them quickly and contain the collateral damage they tend to create.

What you need to do is flip!

  • Flip the focus!
  • Flip the strategy.

Stop trying to change people and start trying to create an opportunity for them to change themselves, if they decide it is in their best interests to do so. This way business continues as usual while the problem employee makes a choice as to whether he or she wants to jump on board – or jump off.

This approach is clean and easy without lots of hassle. You don’t waste the time you need to invest in the rest of the business to produce a positive return.  The new approach can help you generate a healthy, low-maintenance, low-drama environment, which is better for everyone.

Here is the five step plan;

Step 1 Paint a picture that illustrates exactly what you expect and make sure the person understands that picture.

Step 2 Set-out clearly what is acceptable and what is not.  Use terms that are specific about the kinds of behavior that will not be tolerated.

Step 3 Explain what will happen when, and if, there is a recurrence of the bad behavior (talk to your HR department if you are unclear about the formal disciplinary procedure in your work place).

Step 4 Step back and give the individual a real opportunity to behave differently.

Step 5 Follow-up and follow through.  If the person responds well, then reward with praise.  If not, then follow-up exactly as you described in Step 3. If you don’t, you send a mixed message and the situation may become worse than before.

Always give the person an opportunity to explain why they have behaved badly – listen carefully to what they say. If there are extenuating circumstances, take them into account. Be firm but be fair and treat all your employees, including this one, with respect.

Wendy Smith is a career consultant, life coach and business coach with depth of experience in organisational development, management, coaching and personal development. That experience means she is equally at home helping clients find a new career direction, starting-up new businesses or dealing with life’s more challenging personal issues. You can contact her at wendy@wisewolfcoaching.com

Wendy has written a little eBook on how to get on with your boss and a book on job search – you can find all her books on Amazon at this link

         

Managing People – Dealing With Difficult Employees

Managing People – Dealing With Difficult Employees

Most people you manage will be good and willing employees.  They are anxious to learn, to do their best and to get on well with their colleagues. But every manager finds themselves dealing with someone who is little difficult, at some point in their career.  For one reason or another, and it is good to find out why, this particular person is a problem.

There are ways to handle problem employees that reduce stress and minimize their taxing effect.  If you follow this plan, you should be able to deal with them quickly and contain the collateral damage they tend to create.

What you need to do is flip!

  • Flip the focus!
  • Flip the strategy.

Stop trying to change people and start trying to create an opportunity for them to change themselves, if they decide it is in their best interests to do so. This way business continues as usual while the problem employee makes a choice as to whether he or she wants to jump on board – or jump off.

This approach is clean and easy without lots of hassle. You don’t waste the time you need to invest in the rest of the business to produce a positive return.  The new approach can help you generate a healthy, low-maintenance, low-drama environment, which is better for everyone.

Here is the five step plan;

Step 1 Paint a picture that illustrates exactly what you expect and make sure the person understands that picture.

Step 2 Set-out clearly what is acceptable and what is not.  Use terms that are specific about the kinds of behavior that will not be tolerated.

Step 3 Explain what will happen when, and if, there is a recurrence of the bad behavior (talk to your HR department if you are unclear about the formal disciplinary procedure in your work place).

Step 4 Step back and give the individual a real opportunity to behave differently.

Step 5 Follow-up and follow through.  If the person responds well, then reward with praise.  If not, then follow-up exactly as you described in Step 3. If you don’t, you send a mixed message and the situation may become worse than before.

Always give the person an opportunity to explain why they have behaved badly – listen carefully to what they say. If there are extenuating circumstances, take them into account. Be firm but be fair and treat all your employees, including this one, with respect.

Wendy Mason is a career coach.  She helps people reach their goals and aspirations, without sacrificing their home and personal life.  Before working as a coach, Wendy had a long career in both the public and private sectors in general management and consultancy as well as spells in HR.  She now divides her time between coaching and writing. You can contact Wendy at wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com and find out more at http://wisewolfcoaching.com

Managing Difficult People – Announcing A New Series Of Posts

Managing Difficult People – Announcing A New Series Of Posts

Next week we start a new series of weekly posts for people who find someone in their team to be ‘difficult’. And that has happened to most of us who have experience of managing people in challenging circumstances.

Dealing with difficult people can be hard and it can consume lots of your time, energy and resources. You need a strategy for managing the person that helps you deal effectively with their difficult behaviour, and helps them to become a cooperative, productive and respected member of the team.

We are going to consider how to manage those who

  • Disrupt other people’s performance
  • Say they will do something and then don’t deliver
  • Are ambitious but easily frustrated
  • Become aggressive with you or others in the team
  • Lower their own and other people’s morale with cynicism
  • Want promotion but just aren’t ready yet
  • Refuse to accept feedback and do not respond to the standard performance management processes.

We are going to think about

  • What can trigger difficult behaviour
  • Different types of personalities and your strategy for dealing with individuals
  • Barriers to good communication
  • Handling emotion
  • Performance Review
  • Potential legal and organizational issues and the role of HR

I hope you will gain

  • A better understanding of the causes of difficult behavior.
  • The confidence to stop one person demoralizing others in the team

So see you here next week for the first post in this new series for managers.

If you are a manager and need support in dealing with a team member you find “difficult”,  I would like to help you. Email me wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com now to arrange a free half hour coaching session by Skype. 

Wendy Mason is a career coach working mainly with professional women who want to make that jump to senior level while maintaining a good work/life balance. Before working as a coach, Wendy had a long career in both the public and private sectors in general management and consultancy as well as spells in HR.  She now divides her time between face to face coaching, and coaching and blogging on-line. You can contact Wendy at wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com and find out more at http://wisewolfcoaching.com

Coming shortly – the WiseWolf Career and Personal Development Programme – if you would like to know more email wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com