What is empathy?

What is empathy?

Advice from Wendy Smith. Wendy is a Career and Life Coach helping you find fresh perspectives on life and your career.  You can book a FREE coaching session or find out more at this link

What is empathy? Empathy is the ability to walk in someone else’s shoes for a What is empathy?while and to see the world though their eyes! It means being able to suspend judgement, share their values and see things from their perspective. Empathy is different from sympathy and doesn’t mean feeling sorry for them. But it does mean being able to understand what they are thinking and feeling. You are able to establish trust.

Four different levels of Empathy

Usually empathy is described as being at four different levels of closeness.

Level 0

Level 0  is when there is no evidence that you understand  other person’s thoughts or feelings. This can be despite the efforts of the person to explain what they are thinking and feeling. It can be shown most obviously by callous and unthinking remarks

Level 1

Level 1 is when you have some understanding but at a very superficial level. There is only partial understanding and the other person can feel confused and be lacking in trust as a result.

Level 2

Level 2 is when you show understanding and acceptance. But you don’t have complete understanding or acceptance. Perhaps you don’t “approve” of an opinion the other person expesses instead of quietly accepting that that is their view even though it isn’t yours.

Level 3

Level 3 means you have complete understanding and acceptance for another’s feelings and thoughts. Accepting that someone thinks and feels in a particular way, does not mean that you automatically approve of all behaviour they think is justified as a result. But it does mean that you can communicate with them and may be able to influence them in a positive way. It provides a basis for trust.

You cannot be truly empathetic with someone without listening and observing verbal and body messages.  You then show through your own voice and body language that you have understood. In other words you have to listen actively.

The ability to show empathy is important in building strong relaionships at home and at work. An empathetic manager is far more likely to lead their team to success and to create a happy workplace.

Career coaches and life  coaches like me are around to help you thrive and succeed in challenging times. Get in touch at this link – I would like to discuss how I can help you.

Wendy Smith is a career consultant, life coach and business coach with depth of experience in helping people lead happier lives and feel more fulfilled. She has worked in management as well as coaching and personal development, as well as starting up her own businesses. That means she is equally at home helping clients find a new career direction, starting-up a new business or dealing with life’s more challenging personal issues. 

Need help finding work, with problems at work, at home or with relationships? Book a FREE coaching session with Wendy or find out more at this link

 

Recruiting with Empathy

Recruiting with Empathy

Job Hunting, Recruiting and the Dangers of Lack of Empathy

Wendy Mason is a Career Coach and Life Coach helping you to solve difficult problems at work

Recruiting with Empathy – this post considers why this makes sense. Many moons ago when I was managing organizational change and the challenges of “downsizing” and “outsourcing,” I learned a salutary lesson. If the organization was going to thrive at the end of the exercise, empathy needed to exist at the beginning.

It sounds a contradiction doesn’t it? Setting out to manage what will be a painful experience for many but doing it with empathy. In my experience the most successful and well embedded changes are managed in just that way. This is not least because the communications, upon which successful change depends, require empathy with the reader in the mind of the writer.

Of course that demands a lot from the person who manages the change because they have to accept feeling the pain they are causing.

I was lucky.  My first experience of handling really painful change for a large group of people was when I was working for an enlightened employer. They provided me, as well as the staff I managed, with access to counselling. After that I learned techniques for handling my own feelings while doing a difficult job as well as I could.

What has all this to do with job hunting?

Well, now I am seeing a generation of recruiters who seem to have left their empathy at home when it comes to how they work. Candidates are being treated callously and with a lack of respect.

I really don’t know if this stems from a lack of imagination or if it is how some recruiters protect themselves from feeling overwhelmed.

What I do know is that these recruiters, who at the moment seem to be treating candidates like commodities, are thinking short-term.

The market is changing and more job opportunities are opening up. It may well not continue to be a “buyers’ market” for talented people.  Plus, some of those talented people being treating so badly could have turned into potential clients. But they will remember only too well which recruitment companies showed a lack of respect for them in their job search.

Resources for job seekers

In the job market, there are always lots of useful techniques to learn or to refresh. From writing a modern CV to wooing at the interview, you’ll find lots of tips in my handy little pocket-book.

Recruiting with empathy
A concise and practical little workbook. For all who have the courage to go out and learn the new skills necessary to find a job now.

A concise and practical little work book, it is for all who have the courage to go out and learn the new skills necessary to find a job now.

Find this and my other books on my Amazon page at this link; http://ow.ly/BRSAL

Remember working with a career coach can really help both  job search and career resilience. Get in touch at the Facing a mid-career dilemmaemail address below – I offer a free half hour trial session by phone or Skype.

Wendy Smith, Career, life and Business Coach

Wendy Smith is a career consultant, life coach and business coach with depth of experience in organisational development, management, coaching and personal development. That experience means she is equally at home helping clients find a new career direction, starting-up new businesses or dealing with life’s more challenging personal issues. 

Need help finding work, with problems at work, at home or with relationships? Book your free 30 minute, no obligation, trial coaching session with Wendy Smith now at this Link 

Do you have empathy?

Do you have empathy?

Empathy is the ability to walk in someone else’s shoes for a while and to see the world though their eyes! It means being able to suspend judgement. So, you share their empathyvalues and see things from their perspective. Empathy is different from sympathy. And, it doesn’t mean feeling sorry for people. Though, it does mean being able to understand what they are thinking and feeling. You are able to establish trust.

The four different levels of empathy

There are four different level of empathy;

  • Level 0. This is when you no show evidence that you understand the other person’s thoughts or feelings. This can be despite the person trying to explain what they are thinking and feeling. So, it is shown most obviously by callous and unthinking remarks
  • Level 1 is when you show some understanding but at a very superficial level. You have only partial understanding. And the other person can feel confused and lack trust as a result.
  • Level 2. This when you show you understand and accept. But you do not completely understand or accept.
  • Level 3 is when there is complete understanding. You accept the other person’s feelings and thoughts.

When you accept that that someone thinks and feels in a particular way, you don’t necessarily approve of all their behaviour. No do you necessarily that behaviour is justified as a result. But it does mean that you can communicate with them. And may be able to influence them in a positive way. You have a basis for trust.

Empathy and relationships

You cannot truly empathise with someone without listening, as well as observing verbal and body messages. And you show through your own voice and body language that you have understood. In other words you have to listen actively.

Empathy is key skill required in building strong relationships, It requires an open mind and the ability to accept difference.

Wendy Smith is a career consultant, life coach and business coach with depth of experience in management, coaching and personal development. That experience means she is equally at home helping clients find a new career direction, starting-up new businesses or dealing with life’s more challenging personal issues. You can contact her at wendy@wisewolfcoaching.com

Wendy has written a little eBook on how to get on with your boss and a book on job search – you can find her books on Amazon at this link

         

 

The Leader's Way: Business, Buddhism and Happiness in an Interconnected World – Leadership Lessons from the Dalai Lama

Effective leadership is an underlying theme throughout the teachings of the Dalai Lama.

Cover of "The Leader's Way: Business, Bud...

International managerial consultant Laurens van den Muyzenberg identified the business leadership undercurrent in the 1990s after he was hired to advise the Dalai Lama.

Realizing the great potential in combining their respective expertise, van den Muyzenberg and the Dalai Lama co-authored The Leader’s Way, applying Buddhism to business practices.

“Most of my clients do face difficult ethical problems,” says van den Muyzenberg, who consults leaders. “It’s hard to find somebody with the kind of ethical prestige that [the Dalai Lama] has.”

Professor  C.O. Herkströter, former CEO of Shell and Chairman of the Board of ING wrote this when reviewing the book.

“This book examines capitalism and Buddhism in a fascinating way. Everybody in business who is seriously interested in responsible entrepreneurship will recognise the issues. The book adds a valuable dimension to the values and ethical standards that form the basis for responsible leadership in business.”

The approach represents the synthesis of East and West and provides an inspiring manifesto for business change. The first part of The Leader’s Way two-part message is this: in order to lead, you must understand the reasons for our actions then you can act to  solve problems through integrity, respect and sensitivity toward others.

Emotional Intelligence and Your Job Search

Using emotional intelligence really can help you succeed in your job search.

But what is emotional intelligence, and why is it that success in life sometimes seems unrelated to intelligence and how hard you are prepared to work?

It has been said that your IQ can land you a job but your lack of EQ (Emotional Intelligence) can get you fired. However, demonstrating emotional and social intelligence is becoming more and more important in your job search.

Many more recruiters and employers now appreciate that emotional intelligence and social intelligence are great determinants of the success you are likely to achieve at work.  A study from Virginia Commonwealth University  has shown that “high emotional intelligence does have a relationship to strong job performance  — in short, emotionally intelligent people make better workers.”  As a result, companies like Microsoft and Deutsche Bank now use EQ tests in their recruitment processes.

Derren Thompson, Manager, Diversity Recruiting for Sodexo, one of the largest services companies in the world reminds readers in their  blog that the “businesses that will succeed in the 21st century will be the ones that allow employees to bring the whole of their intelligence into the work force – their emotional and intellectual self. Not only does this impact morale, but productivity increases, too.”

Recognizing the significance of this, means you can use emotional intelligence to help you succeed in your job search.

But what is emotional intelligence?

In 1996 Daniel Goleman wrote his groundbreaking book “Emotional Intelligence“. His exhaustive research had confirmed that success in life is based more on our ability to manage our emotions than on our intellectual capability or our physical strength.

According to Howard Gardner, the influential Harvard theorist, “Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient) is the level of your ability to understand other people, what motivates them and how to work cooperatively with them,”

Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify, assess, and manage your own emotions, the emotions of others and also group emotions. It can also be a way of engaging with others that draws them to you.

EQ requires four capabilities;

  1. Self-awareness,
  2. Self-management,
  3. Social awareness
  4. Relationship management.

But EQ can do more for you in your job search than just impress a potential employer, it can help you decide what kind of role to go for.

One way to begin is to ask yourself two questions:

  • First, when do you feel excited or curious? This will help you be clear about your interests and passions.
  • Second,  work out what makes you upset, depressed and angry, and why? This helps you identify your core values and that often makes the difference in whether a job or career will be the right fit for you.

Understanding your emotions can also help you maintain your optimism and cope with stress during a long job search – it can help you stay positive while you find the right role for you.

If you would like to know more about emotional intelligence and how it can help you at work as a manager and leader, go to our sister site WiseWolf Talking– Leadership, Management, Career and Personal Development.  If you would like to know what emotional intelligence might mean for you in your life outside work then please visit WiseWolf’s Your Happiness Factor.

If you would like to read Dr Goleman’s book click on the picture link below and if you would like to try out an EQ test try this link http://testyourself.psychtests.com/testid/3038

Wendy Mason is a Life and Career Coach.  She helps people have the confidence they need to be successful at work and to change career. You can email her atwendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com or ring ++44(0)2084610114 

 

 

Leadership and Emotional Intelligence

Robert Plutchik's Wheel of Emotions

Using emotional intelligence can help you succeed as a leader. But what is emotional intelligence, and why is it that success in life sometimes seems unrelated to intelligence and how hard you are prepared to work?

In 1996 Daniel Goleman wrote his groundbreaking book “Emotional Intelligence“. His exhaustive research had confirmed that success in life is based more on our ability to manage our emotions than on our intellectual capability or our physical strength.

Dr Goleman describes five main elements of emotional intelligence:

  1. Self-awareness.
  2. Self-regulation.
  3. Motivation.
  4. Empathy.
  5. Social skills.

The ability to call on these five qualities can help you to succeed as a leader.

  1. Self-awareness means you are in touch with your own feelings and emotions. You understand how they affect your behaviour and how they influence those around you.  You can strengthen your self-awareness by keeping a daily journal where you record how you feel each day and then reflect on what you have written.  Take time during the day to monitor yourself, your feelings and how you are reacting to things.
  2. Self-regulation means you don’t let fly with negative emotions or make rushed judgments about things or people.  Successful leaders stay in control of themselves and they are prepared to be flexible while being accountable. To help you do this, you need know your values and where you are not prepared to compromise. Spend some time thinking about what really matters to you.  Make a commitment to be accountable for what you do and practice staying calm. A relaxation technique can help – try this technique on our sister site WiseWolf’s Your Happiness Factor.
  3. Motivated leaders have a clear vision and work consistently towards their goals. Do you have that clear vision and is it still appropriate to you and your organization?  Find out more about developing the right vision at this link. If you get to the point where you are responding to events, rather than being proactive, then take action because your lack of motivation could put your organization at risk.
  4. For leaders, having empathy is critical to managing a successful organization or a successful team.  Empathy means you can put yourself in someone else’s situation. Leaders with empathy help develop their teams as they develop themselves. They make sure that people are treated fairly, and they listen.  As a result they earn respect and loyalty. Practice imagining yourself in someone else’s shoes – put yourself in their position.  Listen carefully to what people say and pay attention to body language – respond to feelings!
  5. Leaders with social skills are good communicators – they communicate well and often. They’re just as open to hearing bad news as good news!  Leaders who have good social skills have the confidence to resolve conflicts before they threaten the team or the organization. Learn to talk to your team and if necessary do some formal training in communication skills and conflict resolution.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage both your own emotions, and those of the people you lead.   Having a high EQ means  knowing what you are feeling, what this means, and how your emotions can affect other people. For leaders, having emotional intelligence is essential for success. Take time to work on self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills.  They will certainly help ensure that you succeed as a leader.

If you would like to know more about emotional intelligence and how it can help you in job search go to our sister site WiseWolf Leaving the Public Sector.  If you would like to know what emotional intelligence might mean for you in your life outside work then please visit WiseWolf’s Your Happiness Factor.

If you would like to read Dr Goleman’s book click on the picture link below

You can try out an EQ test at this link http://testyourself.psychtests.com/testid/3038

Wendy Mason is a Life and Career Coach.  She helps people have the confidence they need to be successful at work and to change career. You can email her atwendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com or ring ++44(0)2084610114 

Lessons in Leadership from the Dalai Lama

Tenzin Gyatso, the fourteenth and current Dala...

Recently the Dalai Lama spoke about compassion and global leadership.  He said good leaders today needed to be warm-hearted and practice open communication. With compassion, he believes we gain self-confidence and rid ourselves of our fears. “Then we can have honesty, then we can have trust.”

What does this mean for us in the work place?

If you look at the roots of the word compassion you begin to see how it can apply.  It meant to suffer with!  That has huge implications in the present economic climate doesn’t it?  It means to feel another’s pain.

What a burden that could be if we lead a large organisation.  Does that mean we have to feel the consequence of the every decision we make?  Well yes, I believe we do!  We need to be able to feel it and weigh it in the balance but it should not disable our ability to make hard decisions

A former colleague told me the following story.

“Some years ago I was invited to a funeral.  The person who had died had worked at quite a junior level in my division in a UK government department.  He had loved his job – his whole world had been centred on his work.

But he became ill.   In his role that put the safety of others at risk.  But there wasn’t any other work available for him to do!  It was the time of an earlier round of UK Government cuts. So I made the decision we couldn’t keep him on

He was devastated.  It is probably fair to say he lost the will to live.

I went to his funeral but it was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done.  I didn’t know what to expect!  But his family were just delighted that a senior manager from the Department had come along.

Did I regret my decision?  No!  Was I pained by that decision?  Yes, deeply!  But then no one said being a senior manager or a leader was always going to be easy.”

The person who told me that story was a well loved, trusted and very effective leader.

Tenzin Gayatso could be the last Dalai Lama, but his message is timeless.


Wendy Mason works as a consultant, business coach and blogger. Adept at problem solving, she is a great person to bring in when that one thing you thought was straightforward turns out not to be! If you have a problem talk to Wendy – she can help you – email her atwendymason@wisewolfconsulting.com or ring ++44(0)7867681439