How to handle a jealous boss

How to handle a jealous boss

Bosses, like all of us, come with a range of human emotions and one how to handle a jealous bossof them may be jealousy.  Given the number of visits to this post, I guess a lot of people think their boss might be jealous. So here is some advice on how to handle a jealous boss.

Jealousy is usually shown in quite subtle ways in the early stages.

How jealousy might be shown;

  • Have you been relegated to the dreary corner?
  • Do you always seem to be given the most boring work?
  • Are you often given just too much work?
  • May be, you are subject to sarcastic comments?
  • Your manager might just find fault with everything you do?
  • Or start to niggle away at a few small faults you do have?

If some of these apply to you, you need to know how to handle a jealous boss.

Steps to take!

how to handle a jealous boss
Wendy has a concise and practical eBook on how to get on better with your boss. You can find it at this link http://amzn.to/2mshlVJ

First, directly confronting a jealous boss rarely works. Go carefully, particularly if you need to keep the job. It is sad, but in most organisations, unless there is a clear case of bullying, reporting your boss rarely turns out well. The benefit of the doubt will usually be given to the more senior party. Calling on the support of senior contacts against your boss might well rebound. They may not thank you for the information. They may value your boss for his/her technical abilities and your boss may have an otherwise good record.

Hard as it sound, the best approach is usually to make your boss feel you are on their side. They need to believe that, even though you might have it in you to upstage them, you will never do so. They need to feel that you really will support them.

Show your boss that you respect their ability. And ask for their advice. It might be difficult for you at first because you feel that you too are an expert. But it will help to build your relationship.

Make sure you try to make your boss look good. Be ready to share your ideas. Accept that sometimes your ideas might be presented as theirs.  If you have contacts higher up the office, be ready to share them with your boss. And, if your boss has unsung talents, make sure your senior contacts know about them.

If you do find yourself relegated to the dreary corner, see what you can do to brighten things up. In most kinds of work, there is some opportunity to make a positive mark if you look for it.

Remember though if jealousy turns into out-and-out bullying there are legal steps you can take to seek redress.

Overall!

Keep your dignity but turn yourself into an asset for your boss, and not a threat.

There has been a lot of interest in this subject and I’ve received lot a of questions. So, I’ve written a concise and practical eBook on how to get on with the boss. In it you will learn how to make a great first and lasting impression at work. You will find out how to help your boss help you. Don’t be made unhappy, suffer stress and lose confidence because you cannot get on with the person in charge. Poor relationships at work can damage life at home as well as your career. There can be long-term effects on health and on your motivation.  My little eBook can really help you avoid the pitfalls and build a strong, positive, relationship with your boss. There is more on the eBook below but here is a quick link http://amzn.to/2mshlVJ

How To Get On With The Boss covers;

•What it means to get on with the boss
•Why it matters
•How to know whether you get on with your boss
•Getting it right
•What your boss really wants
•How requirements can change over time
•Making a good first impression
•Keeping respect once you are experienced in the role
•What to do when things go wrong
•Bosses with problems
•Demon bosses
•Putting things right
•Moving on when it is time to go
•Bullying

Here is a link to the book

And if you would like a coach to support you as you deal with your boss, please get in touch.

Wendy Smith, Career, life and Business Coach
Wendy Smith, Principal Coach, WiseWolf Life and Career Coaching

Wendy Smith is a career consultant, life coach and business coach with depth of experience in organisational development, management, coaching and personal development. That experience means she is equally at home helping clients find a new career direction, starting-up new businesses or dealing with life’s more challenging personal issues. You can contact her at wendy@wisewolfcoaching.com

Wendy has written also written a little book on job search – you can find all her books on Amazon at this link

         

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How To Get On With The Boss

How To Get On With The Boss

How To Get On With The Boss – are you having difficulties getting on with the person in charge at work? Lots of people seem have problems with bosses. For one reason or another they can’t get on with them. But bosses How To Get On With The Bosshave a huge impact over as large parts of your daily life. And unhappiness and stress at work usually leaks out to affect the rest of your life.

Bosses are human! If you’re lucky they will be understanding, supportive, encouraging and inspiring. But, being human, they will probably have at least one characteristic that makes them difficult at times.  And if you are really unlucky they might be lazy, unmotivated, weak, over-emotional and sarcastic – all at the same time.

You’re not a powerless victim

Even in very difficult circumstances you can usually do something to help the situation. In most cases you really can learn how to get on with the boss. And, you’re more in control than you think. So, it’s a case of understanding what makes them tick, why they react as they do, and then approaching things in a way that gets the best out of your boss.

There has been a lot of interest in this subject and I’ve received a lot of questions. So, I wrote a concise and practical eBook on how to get on with the boss. And, in it you will learn how to make a great first and lasting impression at work. How to Help your boss help you. Don’t be made unhappy, suffer stress and lose confidence because you cannot get on with the person in charge. Poor relationships at work can damage life at home as well as your career. There can be long-term effects on health and on your motivation.  My little eBook can really help you avoid the pitfalls and build a strong, positive, relationship with your boss.


How To Get On With The Boss covers;

•What it means to get on with the boss
•Why it matters
•How to know whether you get on with your boss
•Getting it right
•What your boss really wants
•How requirements can change over time
•Making a good first impression
•Keeping respect once you are experienced in the role
•What to do when things go wrong
•Bosses with problems
•Demon bosses
•Putting things right
•Moving on when it is time to go
•Bullying

Here is a link to the book

And if you would like a coach to support you as you deal with your boss, please get in touch.

Wendy Smith, Career, life and Business Coach
Wendy Smith, Principal Coach, WiseWolf Life and Career Coaching

Wendy Smith is a career consultant, life coach and business coach with depth of experience in organisational development, management, coaching and personal development. That experience means she is equally at home helping clients find a new career direction, starting-up new businesses or dealing with life’s more challenging personal issues. You can contact her at wendy@wisewolfcoaching.com

Wendy has written a little eBook on how to get on with your boss and a book on job search – you can find all her books on Amazon at this link

         

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Managing traumatic stress

Managing traumatic stress

Managing traumatic stress – given this time when trauma and distress are so common, I thought it useful to  re-publish this piece from the American Psychological Association Help Centre 

Managing traumatic stress – Tips for recovering from disasters and other traumatic events

Disasters are often unexpected, sudden and overwhelming. In some cases, there are no outwardly visible signs of physical injury, but there is nonetheless a serious emotional toll. It is common for people who have experienced traumatic situations to have very strong emotional reactions. Understanding normal responses to these abnormal events can aid you in coping effectively with your feelings, thoughts and behaviours, and help you along the path to recovery.

What happens to people after a disaster or other traumatic event?

Shock and denial are typical responses to traumatic events and disasters, especially shortly after the event. Both shock and denial are normal protective reactions.

Shock is a sudden and often intense disturbance of your emotional state that may leave you feeling stunned or dazed. Denial involves not acknowledging that something very stressful has happened, or not experiencing fully the intensity of the event. You may temporarily feel numb or disconnected from life.

As the initial shock subsides, reactions vary from one person to another. The following, however, are normal responses to a traumatic event:

  • Feelings become intense and sometimes are unpredictable. You may become more irritable than usual, and your mood may change back and forth dramatically. You might be especially anxious or nervous, or even become depressed.
  • Thoughts and behavior patterns are affected by the trauma. You might have repeated and vivid memories of the event. These flashbacks may occur for no apparent reason and may lead to physical reactions such as rapid heartbeat or sweating. You may find it difficult to concentrate or make decisions, or become more easily confused. Sleep and eating patterns also may be disrupted.
  • Recurring emotional reactions are common. Anniversaries of the event, such as at one month or one year, can trigger upsetting memories of the traumatic experience. These “triggers” may be accompanied by fears that the stressful event will be repeated.
  • Interpersonal relationships often become strained. Greater conflict, such as more frequent arguments with family members and coworkers, is common. On the other hand, you might become withdrawn and isolated and avoid your usual activities.
  • Physical symptoms may accompany the extreme stress. For example, headaches, nausea and chest pain may result and may require medical attention. Pre-existing medical conditions may worsen due to the stress.

Managing traumatic stress – how do people respond differently over time?

It is important for you to realize that there is not one “standard” pattern of reaction to the extreme stress of traumatic experiences. Some people respond immediately, while others have delayed reactions — sometimes months or even years later. Some have adverse effects for a long period of time, while others recover rather quickly.

And reactions can change over time. Some who have suffered from trauma are energized initially by the event to help them with the challenge of coping, only to later become discouraged or depressed.

A number of factors tend to affect the length of time required for recovery in managing traumatic stress , including:

  • The degree of intensity and loss. Events that last longer and pose a greater threat, and where loss of life or substantial loss of property is involved, often take longer to resolve.
  • A person’s general ability to cope with emotionally challenging situations. Individuals who have handled other difficult, stressful circumstances well may find it easier to cope with the trauma.
  • Other stressful events preceding the traumatic experience. Individuals faced with other emotionally challenging situations, such as serious health problems or family-related difficulties, may have more intense reactions to the new stressful event and need more time to recover.

How should I help myself and my family?

There are a number of steps you can take to help restore emotional well-being and a sense of control following a disaster or other traumatic experience, including the following:

  • Give yourself time to adjust. Anticipate that this will be a difficult time in your life. Allow yourself to mourn the losses you have experienced. Try to be patient with changes in your emotional state.
  • Ask for support from people who care about you and who will listen and empathize with your situation. But keep in mind that your typical support system may be weakened if those who are close to you also have experienced or witnessed the trauma.
  • Communicate your experience. In whatever ways feel comfortable to you — such as by talking with family or close friends, or keeping a diary.
  • Find out about local support groups that often are available. Such as for those who have suffered from natural disasters or other traumatic events. These can be especially helpful for people with limited personal support systems.
  • Try to find groups led by appropriately trained and experienced professionals. Group discussion can help people realize that other individuals in the same circumstances often have similar reactions and emotions.
  • Engage in healthy behaviors to enhance your ability to cope with excessive stress. Eat well-balanced meals and get plenty of rest. If you experience ongoing difficulties with sleep, you may be able to find some relief through relaxation techniques. Avoid alcohol and drugs.
  • Establish or reestablish routines such as eating meals at regular times and following an exercise program. Take some time off from the demands of daily life by pursuing hobbies or other enjoyable activities.
  • Avoid major life decisions such as switching careers or jobs if possible. These activities tend to be highly stressful.

When should I seek professional help?

Some people are able to cope effectively with the emotional and physical demands brought about by traumatic events by using their own support systems. It is not unusual, however, to find that serious problems persist and continue to interfere with daily living. For example, some may feel overwhelming nervousness or lingering sadness that adversely affects job performance and interpersonal relationships.

Individuals with prolonged reactions that disrupt their daily functioning should consult with a trained and experienced mental health professional. Psychologists and other appropriate mental health providers help educate people about normal responses to extreme stress. These professionals work with individuals affected by trauma to help them find constructive ways of dealing with the emotional impact.

With children, continual and aggressive emotional outbursts, serious problems at school, preoccupation with the traumatic event, continued and extreme withdrawal, and other signs of intense anxiety or emotional difficulties all point to the need for professional assistance. A qualified mental health professional can help in managing traumatic stress for such children and their parents understand and deal with thoughts, feelings and behaviours that result from trauma.

Wendy Smith, Career, life and Business Coach
Wendy Smith, Principal Coach, WiseWolf Life and Career Coaching

Wendy Smith is a career consultant, life coach and business coach with depth of experience in organisational development, management, coaching and personal development. That experience means she is equally at home helping clients find a new career direction, starting-up new businesses or dealing with life’s more challenging personal issues. You can contact her at wendy@wisewolfcoaching.com

Wendy has written a little eBook on how to get on with your boss and a book on job search – you can find all her books on Amazon at this link

         

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Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 4 Identify what is most difficult for you

From the Motivation and emotion/Tutorials/Emot...
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 4 Identify what is most difficult for you

In the last post in this series I asked you to start thinking about emotions and I explained how identifying your troublesome emotion helps you gain control and make sure things turn out more positively for you in the future.

Now, you need to identify what is most difficult for you about the change. 

This is important because it helps you get to the root of the problem and so you avoid spending too much time on the peripheral issues. It saves you energy you would have spent dealing with less important aspects of your change. For example, you might feel angry about something that happened last time you tried to make this kind of change. But what really caused you to feel that way?

When you know what it is that is actually causing your big emotion, you can start to develop a more helpful attitude. 

Find a little time and a quiet space to go through this exercise. Think about what happened in the past to make you feel this way. Now imagine someone telling you the same story. What advice would you give them? Imagine questioning them about what happened and pressing them to tell you more and more about how it happened until you get right down to the root cause. Now what is that fundamental belief about themselves that is making them feel uncomfortable.

What advice would you give them to help them have a more healthy attitude? Now step into their shoes and think about you having the same experience and how you can now apply the new approach. Practice thinking in this new way. 

Success here depends on being very honest with yourself.

If you need support from a coach in sorting out the fundamental belief that is stopping you making positive changes, get in touch, my phone number is below. 

The next post in this series will be about setting goals for your change and how to avoid the pitfalls in goal setting. 

If you have tips to share with others about making changes in your life – please get in touch.

The links to the earlier posts in this series are below.

Wendy Mason is a Life and Career Coach.  She helps people have the confidence they need to be successful at work and to change career while maintaining a good work/life balance. You can email her at wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com

Related articles
  • Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 3 Be Clear About What Is Troubling You
  • Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 1 Admit A Change is Needed

  • Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 2 Be Clear About The Change You Wa

Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 3 Be Clear About What Is Troubling You

emotion icon

Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 3 Be Clear About What Is Troubling You

In the last post in this series  I discussed the need to be quite clear about what you need to change. I said you needed to be as specific and detailed as you could in the way you defined the change.  Starting with a clear and detailed description has a huge impact on how successful your change might be.  And I hope you have now created your description.

Now, you need to start thinking about emotions. No significant change is made without some impact on our emotions.  Understanding what they are and knowing how to manage the impact can be key to success.

Troublesome emotions like anxiety, depression, guilt, shame, anger, hurt, jealousy and envy can occur at different times in our lives.  They can be associated with lots of different kinds of events. But sometimes they occur when most people would think there should be nothing to worry about.  And they can be very difficult to deal with.

You can find one theme and one emotion recurs time and again.  It doesn’t actually stop you doing something but it can make it more difficult to do and less satisfying.

Teasing out exactly what the emotion is, is the first step in understanding the thoughts and beliefs behind it.  It can be a way to help you gain control of the emotion and make sure things turn out more positively for you in the future.

What do you feel, when you think about the change you have to make? Exactly what emotion is being stirred in you?

Be very honest with yourself. If you need support from a coach in sorting out the emotions that stop you making positive changes, get in touch, my phone number is below.

The next post in this series will be about what aspect of the change is triggering the emotion and why?

If you have tips to share with others about making changes in your life – please get in touch.

The links to the earlier posts in this series are below.

 

 

Career Development – Dealing with a difficult boss

Dealing with a difficult boss

Emotion: Fear (Photo credit: Cayusa)

We’ve all had them, those cranky bosses who make life difficult! Often, this not just for you and the team but for themselves as well!

I’m not talking about bullies; I’m talking about people who find it difficult to get on with other people and end up in senior management positions.  In a fair world they wouldn’t be there, but no one said the world was going to be fair?

Nevertheless, these cranky bosses can create lots of stress in the workplace. If you work to them with a team working to you, you are going to need to handle the situation.  You will need to relieve the stress on you and on your team, so that you can all concentrate on the real job.

Reality says that, if you want to stay, you are going to have to find a way to work with your cranky boss – you need a strategy.

Here are some tips;

Find a common interest   How much do you know about your boss?  See what you can find out.  What are they interested in?  Where have they come from and where do they want to go?  What are they trying to achieve in this role?  See if you can find some common ground.

Don’t jump to conclusions
Try to keep an open mind, don’t start to assume that your boss is going to be difficult about everything/ Start expecting and behaving as if your boss is going to behave reasonably until it proves otherwise.

If your boss becomes emotional, stay calm
Acknowledge the emotion, for example, “I understand that you are upset” but try not to become upset yourself.  Don’t react with emotion to emotional outburst; try to show understanding without being patronizing.

Keep focused on the work and what needs to be done Address the problem and sort out practical solutions and some options – reassure your boss that you are going to solve the problem if you can.

Manage your own emotions. 
You might find yourself getting angry or upset with your boss. Take some deep breaths concentrating on breathing out, then count to ten.  If necessary take some timeout and go to the bathroom.  Do whatever you need to do to calm down.

Stay real If you have a difficult boss, remember, the problem is about them not you.

Do your best to build a relationship that works with your boss.  If you can’t, then only you know whether it is worth staying around.  If it slides into bullying then you need to take advice –in the UK you can ring the National Bullying Help Line on 0845 22 55 787.

Use the power of good relationship building before and during all negotiations with your difficult boss. People sometimes forget than former opponents often make the strongest allies. You may find that a  well managed approach, working things through with your boss and trying to see their point of view, will earn you respect over time. It may even mean you get that promotion!

If you need advice from a coach, my email address is below.

Wendy Mason is a Life and Career Coach.  She helps people have the confidence they need to be successful at work and to change career while maintaining a good work/life balance. You can email her at wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com

Leadership and Emotional Intelligence

Robert Plutchik's Wheel of Emotions

Using emotional intelligence can help you succeed as a leader. But what is emotional intelligence, and why is it that success in life sometimes seems unrelated to intelligence and how hard you are prepared to work?

In 1996 Daniel Goleman wrote his groundbreaking book “Emotional Intelligence“. His exhaustive research had confirmed that success in life is based more on our ability to manage our emotions than on our intellectual capability or our physical strength.

Dr Goleman describes five main elements of emotional intelligence:

  1. Self-awareness.
  2. Self-regulation.
  3. Motivation.
  4. Empathy.
  5. Social skills.

The ability to call on these five qualities can help you to succeed as a leader.

  1. Self-awareness means you are in touch with your own feelings and emotions. You understand how they affect your behaviour and how they influence those around you.  You can strengthen your self-awareness by keeping a daily journal where you record how you feel each day and then reflect on what you have written.  Take time during the day to monitor yourself, your feelings and how you are reacting to things.
  2. Self-regulation means you don’t let fly with negative emotions or make rushed judgments about things or people.  Successful leaders stay in control of themselves and they are prepared to be flexible while being accountable. To help you do this, you need know your values and where you are not prepared to compromise. Spend some time thinking about what really matters to you.  Make a commitment to be accountable for what you do and practice staying calm. A relaxation technique can help – try this technique on our sister site WiseWolf’s Your Happiness Factor.
  3. Motivated leaders have a clear vision and work consistently towards their goals. Do you have that clear vision and is it still appropriate to you and your organization?  Find out more about developing the right vision at this link. If you get to the point where you are responding to events, rather than being proactive, then take action because your lack of motivation could put your organization at risk.
  4. For leaders, having empathy is critical to managing a successful organization or a successful team.  Empathy means you can put yourself in someone else’s situation. Leaders with empathy help develop their teams as they develop themselves. They make sure that people are treated fairly, and they listen.  As a result they earn respect and loyalty. Practice imagining yourself in someone else’s shoes – put yourself in their position.  Listen carefully to what people say and pay attention to body language – respond to feelings!
  5. Leaders with social skills are good communicators – they communicate well and often. They’re just as open to hearing bad news as good news!  Leaders who have good social skills have the confidence to resolve conflicts before they threaten the team or the organization. Learn to talk to your team and if necessary do some formal training in communication skills and conflict resolution.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage both your own emotions, and those of the people you lead.   Having a high EQ means  knowing what you are feeling, what this means, and how your emotions can affect other people. For leaders, having emotional intelligence is essential for success. Take time to work on self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills.  They will certainly help ensure that you succeed as a leader.

If you would like to know more about emotional intelligence and how it can help you in job search go to our sister site WiseWolf Leaving the Public Sector.  If you would like to know what emotional intelligence might mean for you in your life outside work then please visit WiseWolf’s Your Happiness Factor.

If you would like to read Dr Goleman’s book click on the picture link below

You can try out an EQ test at this link http://testyourself.psychtests.com/testid/3038

Wendy Mason is a Life and Career Coach.  She helps people have the confidence they need to be successful at work and to change career. You can email her atwendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com or ring ++44(0)2084610114 

Redundancy and layoff – emotions and what to expect!

English: rain clouds Looking out to sea at the...
When you are made redundant you may have to work your way through some very challenging and negative emotions. These can be disturbing and worrying for you and for those about you.  It helps if you, and they, know what to expect.
Shock and denial

Actually being made redundant comes as a shock.  Sometimes people simply refuse to believe it! Then they may go through a period when they deny what has happened.  They may have a conviction that somebody got something wrong and very shortly they will get a call back.

You may find yourself believing that the employer will change their mind. The reality is that it is very rare indeed for this to happen.  Good employers will have thought long and hard before announcing a redundancy and bad employers are very unlikely to want to admit they got it wrong.

Anger

After a while, you may become very angry.  This may be with your former employer but it might also be with your former colleagues – those who were lucky enough to stay! Why were you chosen and not them? The picture you paint in your mind of yourself and what happened can be far from the truth! Becoming consumed with anger is self-defeating and can be dangerous. If you, or someone near to you, can’t get passed this kind of anger, you may need to seek some outside help from a coach or counsellor and you may need to speak to your doctor.

Depression

It is usual to feel down when you have lost your job.  But after a while, this can turn into the darker emotion of depression.  Depression is an illness.  It goes with low self-esteem, loss of confidence and lack of energy.  You feel deeply miserable! You may not feel it is even worthwhile applying for another job, because no one is ever again going to want you.  Or you may apply for a job in a half-hearted way and then when you don’t get it that reinforces what you are already feeling.  So you can spiral down!

When this starts to happen it is best to get help. Depression is a serious condition and you should seek medical help if you feel it is becoming too much to handle.

Guilt and shame

It isn’t unusual to feel guilty when you have been made redundant.  You can feel it is your fault and that you have let yourself and your family down.  But in the present climate this is usually not true. Like you, lots of people who were very good at their work, are now unemployed.

It is painful even though it is not your fault.  But, you may feel shame and find yourself avoiding places and people that remind you of what has happened.  Sometimes people cover feelings of shame by behaving aggressively.

When you feel shame and guilt, sometimes it helps to stand back and think

  • Do I really believe someone thinks less of me as a result of this and would that be fair?
  • Would I think less of someone who had gone through an identical experience to the one I’ve had?
  • What advice would I give them, if they felt shame and guilt?

Relief
This is possibly the oddest emotion to list here.  But the reality is that you may feel relief that the uncertainty about being made redundant is over. The months before a redundancy is announced are often unpleasant and anxious – everyone is very uncertain.  Going to work has usually been stressful and now, at least, you are out from under the cloud!

Loss of confidence

Most of the emotions described above can undermine confidence and self belief.  You can begin to doubt yourself and your abilities. This in turn gets in the way of making a fresh start and finding a new job.

If you, yourself, are made redundant

Try not to be too proud to ask for and accept help.  It really can help to talk to someone else about how you are feeling.  As well as that, the best thing is to get into some practical tasks.  Don’t take a break before you begin your job search and, for example, CV updating.  Start as soon as possible.  Work with a buddy or a group if you can – there are lots around – search for one on the internet or ask in your local library or at the job centre.

Don’t let yourself feel isolated – these days, social media sites like Twitter and Facebook are great places to network and just to have a virtual chat.

If you are a relative or friend of someone made redundant or laid-off

It can be hard to know how to talk to someone who has been made redundant!  You don’t want to be too downbeat and add to the misery.  But if you are too upbeat, you can sound uncaring.  It is usually no good at all telling someone who has just been made redundant that this may turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to them, even if it’s true.  But it is important to be there for them!  Expect, and allow space for, them to go through a range of emotions.  Counsel them to seek outside help if you are worried.

Meanwhile If you have a question or just want to let off steam, by all mean feel free to drop me a line here.  I will do my very best to help.

Wendy Mason is a Life and Career Coach.  She helps people have the confidence they need to be successful at work and to change career. You can email her at wendymason@confidencecoach.me or ring ++44(0)2084610114 

Some other great posts for you to read

Job Search and Motivation – when the motivation vampire strikes!
6 Tips for Confident Networking
Unemployed – Interview Techniques – Behavioural or Competency Based Interviewing 
 
 
 
 
 

Leading the Confident Team

Teams of ROTC cadets compete at the water conf...

First would you describe yourself as a confident team leader?

As the leader, you no doubt have confidence in your technical abilities but do you have confidence in yourself? Are you a team leader with self-confidence?

When you are a confident team leader, you are someone who is comfortable in your own skin and in the team leader role!

You know who you are and you know what you stand for, not just in this role but in your life in general.

In successful teams, it is vital that team spirit develops and that members adopt an ‘all for one’ attitude.  But to be successful as a team, each member also needs to have confidence in themselves in their role within the team.

A team is only ever as strong as its weakest link and if a member lacks confidence in themselves, they will also lack confidence in their role within the team.

A strong team is made up of individual members who believe in themselves and their abilities but they also believe that they are stronger because they are playing as a team, and not as individuals.

Unfortunately, when you lack self-confidence, your thoughts and actions are greatly influenced by people around you and by those you believe to be more confident and competent than you. This means that you are easily led by those who are more confident than you.

Even when you believe the team could do better adopting a different approach, your lack of confidence may lead you to doubt your own judgment.

To be successful, it’s essential that each team member develops confidence in themselves and in their role.  But this is most important for the team leader!

If you are not confident in yourself , as leader, then the team is likely to sense your doubts and their confidence in their own roles within the team will be eroded.

Each team member needs to believe in themselves and in their abilities so that all can contribute fully.

Self-confidence can be described as a positive mix of self-efficacy (respect for your own competence) and self-esteem (valuing yourself).

The good news is that confidence is largely learned and with support it can be acquired by anyone.

So if you have to lead a team, act now if you have reservations about your own or a team member’s confidence!

Wendy Mason works as a Coach, Consultant and Blogger. She works with all kinds of people going through many different kinds of personal and career change, particularly those wanting to increase their confidence

If you would like to work on developing your own confidence, Wendy offers the Wisewolf Learn to Be Confident Program at this link

You can contact Wendy at wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com  or ring ++44 (0)2084610114

Great group – sad about the leader – mood contagion.

A Mantled Guereza, close-up, looking sad

Mood contagion is the automatic and unconscious transfer of mood between individuals.

It occurs because we tend to mimic others’ nonverbal behaviour.

Research has shown that intense moods are more likely to be transferred.  Joy or distress are more likely to be passed on than calmness or boredom.

Although mood contagion can transfer between any two or more people, leaders probably have an even greater impact on their group mood.  This is because of their importance to the organization.

If you, as a leader, can’t regulate your emotions,  members of your group might often experience stress and anxiety.  This is both in trying to cope with you as the leader and in dealing with the tasks at hand.

Leaders in a bad mood don’t need to be abusive or hostile!  Their mood needs only to be negative. Research shows that even subtle expressions of negative mood can have an impact on followers.

This raises all kinds of issues in the present economic downturn!  This is a time when we all feel miserable sometimes.  But you as a leader have to work to manage down the impact of your own feelings.

Think about those leaders who handle a crisis well. Do they manage their mood and communicate clearly while creating a safe environment for their employees? Or do they just let it all hang out and then deal with the casualties?  Who would you rather deal with and what kind of leader do you want to be?

Remember when you feel down you need to

  • Recognize that your mood will an impact on your group
  • Work to reduce that negative impact
  • Intentionally change your mood – there is a technique at this link that you can learn for this.

I would welcome your thoughts on all of this and your tips for handling your own feelings.

Wendy Mason works as a personal and business coach, consultant and blogger. She has managed or advised on many different kinds of transition and she has worked with all kinds of people going through personal change. If you would like her help, email her at wendymason@wisewolfconsulting.com or ring ++44(0)2084610114 or ++44(0)7867681439 or