Tag: confidence and self esteem

How to look confident

If you want people to have confidence in you, you need to look confident.

How to look confident

Tips To Help You Look Confident

Why is looking confident important?

How to look confident – if you want people to have confidence in you,  you need How to look confidentto look confident. If you want people to be drawn to you, you need to look confident! It is even more important than looking good or being good at what you do! That might seem a little unfair but in the real world it is only too true!

So, do you look confident?

If I met you for the first time, what would I see and what would I hear?  What would your body language tell me?  Would I want to get to know you better? Would I have confidence in your ability to do that job I might have available? Or, would I buy that product or service from you?
The need for confidence permeates all parts of our lives. People like others who are confident as friends and potential partners.
When it comes to appearing confident, remember that over 70% of our communication is transmitted by our body language. So, while you are working to increase your  confidence, how do you change your body language to make you look confident?  Here are some tips to help:

Six Tips To Help You Look Confident

      1. Start with your feet.  Stand with them at least 12 inches apart and have your weight distributed evenly between them. Plant the soles of your feet firmly and evenly on the ground. Let them give a firm support to the rest of your body. Now, you are rooted but not rooted to the spot! Don’t lock your knees – instead keep them soft and very slightly flexed.
      2. Let you spine be proud. Your spine protects and supports your internal organs! Feel your spine lifting you to the sky – that is what it is there for!  Lift your upper body out of your pelvis and stand upright.  Feel yourself “lengthening your spine” – stand proud!  Try thinking of a piece of string attached to the top of your head gently pulling upwards. But don’t stand rigidly – you are not a soldier on parade.
      3. Keep your shoulders relaxed. Let them drop – don’t lift them high. The shoulders and neck often show how tense we are – let yours relax.
      4. Let your shoulders widen rather than pull back. Open your chest up so that you can breathe freely.  That in itself will make you feel more relaxed.
      5. Smile. Work on learning to smile naturally at home. Practice some affirmations giving yourself some positive messages, for example; “relax and smile”, “calm and smile”, “wonderful people make me smile.” Bring that smile to your eyes and let it broaden to fill your whole body and mind. Practice sensing how it feels.  Now when you meet other people say quietly to your self; “these are the wonderful people who make me smile.” Find yourself smiling.
      6. Change your focus. When we go into a new situation if we lack confidence, we tend to focus on ourselves and how we feel. You can change your focus to the people about you. Start to be really interested in them rather than how you are feeling. You will seem more approachable and look more confident.

Finding help

Practice my tips above nd you will be surprised at the effect.  You may well find yourself, not just looking more confident, but feeling more confident too.  It helps to work with a coach of course and I just happen to be a qualified confidence coach – so feel free to get in touch!

Wendy Smith is a career consultant, life coach and business coach with depth of experience in management, coaching and personal development. That experience means she is equally at home helping clients find a new career direction, starting-up new businesses or dealing with life’s more challenging personal issues. You can contact her at wendy@wisewolfcoaching.com

Wendy has written a little eBook on how to get on with your boss and a book on job search – you can find her books on Amazon at this link

         

Career Development – Six Tips To Help You Look Confident

If you want people to have confidence in you, you need to look confident.

Career Development – Six Tips To Help You Look Confident

Why is looking confident important?

If you want people to have confidence in you, as well as being good at what you do, you need to look confident. Yes, I know that is a little unfair – surely being good should be enough?  Sadly in the real world, that is rare!
So, do you look confident?
If I met you for the first time, what would I see and what would I hear?  What would your body language tell me?  Would I want to get to know you better? Would I have confidence in your ability to do that job I might have available. Or, would I buy that product or service from you?
The need for confidence goes beyond work, of course. People like others who are confident as friends and potential partners.
When it comes to appearing confident, remember that over 70% of our communication is transmitted by our body language. So, while you are working to increase your  confidence, how do you change your body language to make you look confident?  Here are some tips to help:

Six Tips To Help You Look Confident

      1. Start with your feet.  Stand with them at least 12 inches apart and have your weight distributed evenly between them. Plant the soles of your feet firmly and evenly on the ground – let them give a firm support to the rest of your body. Now, you are rooted but not rooted to the spot! But don’t lock your knees – instead keep them soft and very slightly flexed.
      2. Let you spine be proud. Your spine protects and supports your internal organs! Feel your spine lifting you to the sky – that is what it is there for!  Lift your upper body out of your pelvis and stand upright.  Feel yourself “lengthening your spine” – stand proud!  Try thinking of a piece of string attached to the top of your head gently pulling upwards. But don’t stand rigidly – you are not a soldier on parade.
      3. Keep your shoulders relaxed. Let them drop – don’t lift them high. The shoulders and neck often show how tense we are – let yours relax.
      4. Let your shoulders widen rather than pull back. Open your chest up so that you can breathe freely.  That in itself will make you feel more relaxed.
      5. Smile.  Work on learning to smile naturally at home.   Practice some affirmations giving yourself some positive messages, for example; “relax and smile”, “calm and smile”, “wonderful people make me smile”.  Bring that smile to your eyes and let it broaden to fill your whole body and mind. Practice feeling how it feels.  Now when you meet other people say quietly to your self – “these are the wonderful people who make me smile”.  Now find yourself smiling.
      6. Change your focus.  When we go into a new situation if we lack confidence, we tend to focus on ourselves and how we feel.  You can deliberately change your focus to the people about you. Start to be interested in them rather than how you are feeling. You will look approachable and look more confident.

Finding help

Practice my six tips and you will be surprised at the effect.  You may well find yourself, not just looking more confident, but feeling more confident too.  It helps to work with a coach of course and I just happen to be a qualified confidence coach – so feel free to get in touch!

Wendy Mason is the Happiness Coach and author of a new novel, The Wolf Project Wendy is a life and career coach and writer. She is passionate about helping people find happiness at work and at home! She helps people reach their goals and aspirations, without sacrificing their home and personal life.  She believes coaching requires compassion, warmth and empathy. Wendy helps people reach their career goals and aspirations, without sacrificing their home and personal life. You can contact Wendy at wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com and find out more at http://wisewolfcoaching.com

CV review and interview preparation a speciality

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Self acceptance – learning to accept yourself!

If you can accept yourself with what you see as flaws, it means you can concentrate on problem solving. If you can’t accept yourself you can very easily be distracted by shame and the time you spend putting yourself down.

Self acceptance – learning to accept yourself!

Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 7 Learning to Accept Yourself

Self acceptance – learning to accept yourself! You can find the earlier posts in this series at the links below. In the last few posts I’ve asked you to start thinking about emotions. I’ve explained how identifying your troublesome emotion helps you gain control and make sure things turn out more positively for you in the future. As well as that, I asked you to think about what is most difficult for you, then I asked you to set some goals.

In the last post we thought about challenging and beginning to change those core beliefs we all carry. They get in the way when we want to make a personal change that will improve our lives. Now we are going to think about developing self acceptance.

Everyone who has ever lived has had problems.  Having problems doesn’t make you a better or worse human being – nor does it make you different.  In fact it makes you truly a human being – someone who makes mistakes and sometimes suffers misfortune. You are not what you do or what happens to you.  You are you, and one of us, the vast human race.  But it is great that you want to change or improve something about yourself!

If you accept yourself with what you see as flaws, it means you can concentrate on problem solving.  If you can’t accept yourself you can very easily be distracted by shame and the time you spend putting yourself down.

There is a great way of illustrating self acceptance.  It is called the big i/little i diagram ( Lazarus 1977)

If you look closely you will that this Big I (the self) is made up of lots of little Is. The little I’s are all the things about you; “I’m tall”, “I’m short”,” I’m fat”, “I’m thin”, “I’m good at sports”,” I’m hopeless at maths” etc.  Or they might be things that you have done; “I failed my exam”, “I hurt someone I loved”, “I give to charity”, etc.  Anyone of them may be true.  But none of them makes up the whole, wonderful complexity of you, yourself.

Now, if you can’t accept yourself, you might find this idea difficult to accept as well. But think about it.  And think about what I said in the last post about how to test self beliefs.  Think of all the evidence there is that you are complex with many aspects and experiences.  Then think about how you see other people in their complexity.  Now, think about which is the more helpful way to think about your self.

So suppose you see the things that you need to change as little Is, that you can work on.  They are not the whole big I that is going to do the work. Start to recognise yourself as complex and multi dimensional.

You could draw a large I diagram and then start to put into it all the little Is about you.  The good and the bad – make sure you are even-handed.  Now, circle some of those good Is and really concentrate on them.  Then, think about the things you want to change and let that complex, wonderful Big I you, start to make plans.

Remember, self acceptance doesn’t mean you become complacent and stop trying to make changes.  Self acceptance changes how you see the changes you want to make.  It helps to makes those changes manageable and achievable.  It means you do not waste precious time on putting your self down and feeling bad.

Self acceptance doesn’t happen over night it takes work.  It takes a little time every day thinking about the Big I and focusing on your goals to make the change you want. Work on it because the benefits of self acceptance, in terms of happiness, mental health and achievement, are huge.

The next post in this series will about strengthening and re-enforcing your new self-helping outlook.

You can learn how to develop self-esteem and to develop self acceptance and I would like to help you.  Email me now to arrange a free half-hour taster coaching session by Skype.

Wendy Smith, Career, life and Business Coach
Wendy Smith, Principal Coach, WiseWolf Life and Career Coaching

Wendy Smith is a career consultant, life coach and business coach with depth of experience in organisational development, management, coaching and personal development. That experience means she is equally at home helping clients find a new career direction, starting-up new businesses or dealing with life’s more challenging personal issues. You can contact her at wendy@wisewolfcoaching.com

Wendy has written a little eBook on how to get on with your boss and a book on job search – you can find all her books on Amazon at this link

         

 

Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 7 Learning To Accept Yourself

If you can accept yourself with what you see as flaws, it means you can concentrate on problem solving. If you can’t accept yourself you can very easily be distracted by shame and the time you spend putting yourself down.

Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 7 Learning to Accept Yourself

You can find the earlier posts in this series at the links below. In the last few posts I’ve asked you to start thinking about emotions. I’ve explained how identifying your troublesome emotion helps you gain control and make sure things turn out more positively for you in the future. As well as that, I asked you to think about what is most difficult for you, then I asked you to set some goals.

In the last post we thought about challenging and beginning to change those core beliefs we all carry. They get in the way when we want to make a personal change that will improve our lives. Now we are going to think about developing self acceptance.

Everyone who has ever lived has had problems.  Having problems doesn’t make you a better or worse human being – nor does it make you different.  In fact it makes you truly a human being – someone who makes mistakes and sometimes suffers misfortune. You are not what you do or what happens to you.  You are you, and one of us, the vast human race.  But it is great that you want to change or improve something about yourself!

If you accept yourself with what you see as flaws, it means you can concentrate on problem solving.  If you can’t accept yourself you can very easily be distracted by shame and the time you spend putting yourself down.

There is a great way of illustrating self acceptance.  It is called the big i/little i diagram ( Lazarus 1977)

If you look closely you will that this Big I (the self) is made up of lots of little Is. The little I’s are all the things about you; “I’m tall”, “I’m short”,” I’m fat”, “I’m thin”, “I’m good at sports”,” I’m hopeless at maths” etc.  Or they might be things that you have done; “I failed my exam”, “I hurt someone I loved”, “I give to charity”, etc.  Anyone of them may be true.  But none of them makes up the whole, wonderful complexity of you, yourself.

Now, if you can’t accept yourself, you might find this idea difficult to accept as well. But think about it.  And think about what I said in the last post about how to test self beliefs.  Think of all the evidence there is that you are complex with many aspects and experiences.  Then think about how you see other people in their complexity.  Now, think about which is the more helpful way to think about your self.

So suppose you see the things that you need to change as little Is, that you can work on.  They are not the whole big I that is going to do the work. Start to recognise yourself as complex and multi dimensional.

You could draw a large I diagram and then start to put into it all the little Is about you.  The good and the bad – make sure you are even-handed.  Now, circle some of those good Is and really concentrate on them.  Then, think about the things you want to change and let that complex, wonderful Big I you, start to make plans.

Remember, self acceptance doesn’t mean you become complacent and stop trying to make changes.  Self acceptance changes how you see the changes you want to make.  It helps to makes those changes manageable and achievable.  It means you do not waste precious time on putting your self down and feeling bad.

Self acceptance doesn’t happen over night it takes work.  It takes a little time every day thinking about the Big I and focusing on your goals to make the change you want. Work on it because the benefits of self acceptance, in terms of happiness, mental health and achievement, are huge.

The next post in this series will about strengthening and re-enforcing your new self-helping outlook.

I know you can learn how to develop self-esteem and to develop self acceptance and I would like to help you.  Email me now to arrange a free half-hour taster coaching session by Skype.

Wendy Mason is a career coach working mainly with professional women who want to make that jump to senior level while having a life outside work. Before working as a coach, Wendy had a long career in both the public and private sectors in general management and consultancy as well as spells in HR. She now divides her time between face to face coaching, and coaching and blogging on-line. You can contact Wendy at wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com and find out more athttp://wisewolfcoaching.com

Coming shortly – Getting There With WiseWolf, the Career and Personal Development Programme – if you would like to know more emailwendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com

Earlier Posts in this series

    • Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 1 Admit A Change is Needed

    • Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 2 Be Clear About The Change You Want

    • Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 3 Be Clear About What Is Troubling You

    • Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 4 Identify what is most difficult for you

    • Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 5 Select Your Goals for Change
    • Be Successful -Making A Personal Change – Part 6 Change Your Core Beliefs

Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 6 Change Your Core Beliefs

We all carry unhelpful beliefs about ourselves, about other people and about the world about us. We gather them up as we go through life from our parents, our teachers, others about us and from things that happen to us. We learn to think, for example, that we are lazy or stupid. May be we think we are bad people, unworthy of happiness or success; or that people like us just never succeed! Most of these belief are not founded in anything real but we go on believing.

Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 6 Change Your Core Beliefs

You can find the earlier posts in this series at the links below. In the last few posts I’ve asked you to start thinking about emotions. I’ve explained how identifying your troublesome emotion helps you gain control and make sure things turn out more positively for you in the future. As well as that, I asked you to think about what is most difficult for you, then I asked you to set some goals. Now we are going to think about challenging and beginning to change those core beliefs we all carry. They get in the way when we want to make a personal change that will improve our lives. As I’ve said before, success depends on being very honest with yourself.

We all carry unhelpful beliefs about ourselves, about other people and about the world about us. We gather them up as we go through life from our parents, our teachers, others about us and from things that happen to us. We learn to think, for example, that we are lazy or stupid. May be we think we are bad people, unworthy of happiness or success; or that people like us just never succeed! Most of these belief are not founded in anything real but we go on believing.

We may have failed at something once but that doesn’t mean we will not succeed this time or that we are less worthy of happiness.

There are three tests that we can apply to our core beliefs to see if it is worth letting them spoil the rest of our lives. They are

  • Logic

  • Reality-Testing

  • Helpfulness

Logic

If you have been unlucky enough to experience some kind of failure in life, such as, losing a job or a relationship, it isn’t logical to think of your self as a failure. Stop for one moment and think how you would judge a close friend or relation if they came to you and told you they were in the same place. What would you think and what would you say? So, why are you different? Is it sound, logical or consistent to apply different standards to you, to those you apply to the rest of the world? You are worthwhile even if you have failed lots of times – my word yes – you had the guts to try!

Reality-Testing

Does you core belief match with objective reality? Think of everything you have done throughout your life. Has every single thing been a failure? I doubt it. We all succeed at some things and fail at others. Think quietly about the good things you have done; things you have enjoyed and the things other people have liked and thanked you for. Gather evidence like a forensic detective. Where is the hard cold evidence that your core belief is really true – where does the balance of your life-long evidence lead you.

Helpfulness

What is carrying this core belief actually doing for you? Does it help you overcome your problems and feel better? Are you a “better” person because you carry this self belief? Some people do see calling themselves failures or unworthy as motivating them to do or be better. But for most of us, it just saps energy, erodes our self-esteem and makes us feel bad.

Coming to terms with the consequences of our core beliefs often helps us to have the confidence to get rid of them.

The next post in this series will about self acceptance. Accepting ourselves as we really are, is key to making that lasting change that is going to lead to real fulfilment and success in the future.

I know you can develop the confidence you need to change your core beliefs and I would like to help you.  Email me now to arrange a free half-hour taster coaching session.

Wendy Mason is a career coach working mainly with professional women who want to make that jump to senior level while having a life outside work. Before working as a coach, Wendy had a long career in both the public and private sectors in general management and consultancy as well as spells in HR. She now divides her time between face to face coaching, and coaching and blogging on-line. You can contact Wendy at wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com and find out more at http://wisewolfcoaching.com

Coming shortly – the WiseWolf Career and Personal Development Programme – if you would like to know more email wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com

Earlier Posts in this series

  • Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 1 Admit A Change is Needed

  • Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 2 Be Clear About The Change You Want

  • Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 3 Be Clear About What Is Troubling You

  • Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 4 Identify what is most difficult for you

  • Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 5 Select Your Goals for Change