Difficult boss – here is help

Difficult boss – here is help

 Difficult boss - here is help

We’ve all had them, those cranky bosses who make life difficult! It isn’t easy working for a difficult boss.

I’m not talking about bullies. I’m talking here about people who find it difficult to get on with other people but end up in charge of others.  In a fair world they wouldn’t be there, but no one said that life was fair?

These cranky bosses create lots of stress in the workplace. If you have one and manage a team yourself, it’s up to you to relieve the stress. Then you will all be able to concentrate on the real job.

If you want to stay, you are going to have to find a way to work with your cranky boss. So, you need a strategy.

Here are some tips;

Find a common interest.  How much do you know about your boss?  See what you can find out.  What are they interested in?  Where have they come from and where do they want to go?  What are they trying to achieve in this role?  See if you can find some common ground.

Show how you can help them. If you are good at your job, don’t let your boss feel you are competing with them. Make sure what you do supports them. Work hard not to resent them getting credit for your hard work.

Don’t jump to conclusions. 
Try to keep an open mind, don’t start to assume that your boss is going to be difficult about everything. Start expecting and behaving as if your boss is going to behave reasonably until he/she proves otherwise.

Stand between the boss and your team. Recognize it is your job to protect them. Make sure their contribution is recognized and stand up for them when you need to.

If your boss becomes emotional, stay calm. 
Acknowledge the emotion, for example; “I understand that you are upset.” But try not to become upset yourself. Don’t react with emotion to emotional outburst. Try to show understanding without being patronizing.

Keep focused on the work and what needs to be done Address the problem and sort out practical solutions and some options. Reassure your boss that you are going to solve the problem if you can.

Manage your own emotions. 
You might find yourself getting angry or upset with your boss. Take some deep breaths concentrating on breathing out, then count to ten.  If necessary take some timeout and go to the bathroom.  Do whatever you need to do to calm down.

Stay real. If you have a difficult boss, remember, the problem is about them, not you.

Build the relationship

Do your best to build a relationship that works with your boss.  If you can’t, then only you know whether it is worth staying around.  Long term low morale does erode confidence. And if the boss’s behaviour slides into bullying you need to take advice –in the UK you can ring the National Bullying Help Line on 0845 22 55 787.

Use the power of good relationship building before and during all negotiations with your difficult boss. People sometimes forget than former opponents often make the strongest allies. You may find that a well-managed approach, working things through with your boss and trying to see their point of view, will earn their respect over time. It may even mean you get that promotion!

I’ve written an eBook on how to get on with your boss. You can find it at this link.  Working with a coach really can help in these kind of situations – my email address is below.

Wendy Smith, Career, life and Business Coach

Wendy Smith is a career consultant, life coach and business coach with depth of experience in organisational development, management, coaching and personal development. That experience means she is equally at home helping clients find a new career direction, starting-up new businesses or dealing with life’s more challenging personal issues. You can contact her at wendy@wisewolfcoaching.com

Wendy has written a little eBook on how to get on with your boss and a book on job search – you can find all her books on Amazon at this link

         

How To Get On With The Boss

How To Get On With The Boss

How To Get On With The Boss – are you having difficulties getting on with the person in charge at work? Lots of people seem have problems with bosses. For one reason or another they can’t get on with them. But bosses How To Get On With The Bosshave a huge impact over as large parts of your daily life. And unhappiness and stress at work usually leaks out to affect the rest of your life.

Bosses are human! If you’re lucky they will be understanding, supportive, encouraging and inspiring. But, being human, they will probably have at least one characteristic that makes them difficult at times.  And if you are really unlucky they might be lazy, unmotivated, weak, over-emotional and sarcastic – all at the same time.

You’re not a powerless victim

Even in very difficult circumstances you can usually do something to help the situation. In most cases you really can learn how to get on with the boss. And, you’re more in control than you think. So, it’s a case of understanding what makes them tick, why they react as they do, and then approaching things in a way that gets the best out of your boss.

There has been a lot of interest in this subject and I’ve received a lot of questions. So, I wrote a concise and practical eBook on how to get on with the boss. And, in it you will learn how to make a great first and lasting impression at work. How to Help your boss help you. Don’t be made unhappy, suffer stress and lose confidence because you cannot get on with the person in charge. Poor relationships at work can damage life at home as well as your career. There can be long-term effects on health and on your motivation.  My little eBook can really help you avoid the pitfalls and build a strong, positive, relationship with your boss.


How To Get On With The Boss covers;

•What it means to get on with the boss
•Why it matters
•How to know whether you get on with your boss
•Getting it right
•What your boss really wants
•How requirements can change over time
•Making a good first impression
•Keeping respect once you are experienced in the role
•What to do when things go wrong
•Bosses with problems
•Demon bosses
•Putting things right
•Moving on when it is time to go
•Bullying

Here is a link to the book

And if you would like a coach to support you as you deal with your boss, please get in touch.

Wendy Smith, Career, life and Business Coach
Wendy Smith, Principal Coach, WiseWolf Life and Career Coaching

Wendy Smith is a career consultant, life coach and business coach with depth of experience in organisational development, management, coaching and personal development. That experience means she is equally at home helping clients find a new career direction, starting-up new businesses or dealing with life’s more challenging personal issues. You can contact her at wendy@wisewolfcoaching.com

Wendy has written a little eBook on how to get on with your boss and a book on job search – you can find all her books on Amazon at this link

         

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Career Development – Dealing With A Difficult Boss – Part 2 Books To Help

Career Development – Dealing With A Difficult Boss – Part 2 Books To Help

Lots of people seem have problems with bosses – for one reason or another they can’t get on with them. But bosses have a huge impact over large parts of your daily life. And unhappiness and stress at work can leak out to affect the rest of your life.

Bosses are human! If you’re lucky they will be understanding, supportive, encouraging and inspiring. But, being human, they will probably have at least one characteristic that makes them difficult for you in some aspect of your relationship. If you are really unlucky they might be lazy, unmotivated, weak, over-emotional and sarcastic – all at more or less the same time.

But you’re not a powerless victim. When it comes to your boss, then you’re more in control than you think. It’s a case of understanding what makes them tick, why they react as they do, and then approaching situations in the right way to get the best out of your boss.

You can find help. We’ve written here before about “Dealing with a Difficult Boss”. We said that if you want to stay, you are going to have to find a way to work with your cranky boss, you need a strategy and we offered some tips.

But given the interest in that post and, the questions we received, I’ve found a couple of books on Amazon that you might like to read, if you are having problems.

How to manage your Boss” is for a UK audience and “It’s OK to Manage Your Boss” is for readers in the US.

How to Manage your Boss” by Ros Jay

This is the user’s guide to getting the best from your manager. Understand what matters to them and how they like to function, and you can start to build a relationship that is as beneficial as it is rewarding. Developing a good relationship with your boss is vital for a low-stress, high-reward working life and you are in control.

Its Okay to Manage Your Boss: The Step-by-Step Program for Making the Best of Your Most Important Relationship at Work by Bruce Tulgan” provides a program to help you feel in control of your work life again.

And if you would like a coach to support you as you deal with this, please get in touch.

Wendy Mason is a career coach.  She helps people reach their goals and aspirations, without sacrificing their home and personal life.  Before working as a coach, Wendy had a long career in both the public and private sectors in general management and consultancy as well as spells in HR.  She now divides her time between coaching and writing. You can contact Wendy at wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com and find out more at http://wisewolfcoaching.com

Other posts you might like to read

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  • Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 2 Be Clear About The Change You Want

  • Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 3 Be Clear About What Is Troubling You

  • Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 4 Identify what is most difficult for you

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Preventing Violence in the Workplace

Preventing Violence in the Workplace

Management – Preventing Violence and Harassment in the Workplace

Preventing Violence in the Workplace – any form of harassment and violence at work, whether it is committed by co-workers, managers or third-parties like customers or suppliers, is unacceptable.

As well as being wrong ethically, it affects the physical and psychological health of those involved. Yet according to the British Crime Survey (BCS) in 2006/07, there were an estimated 684,000 workplace incidents, (288,000 assaults and 397,000 threats of violence).

Tolerance, diversity, dignity and respect are benchmarks for business and organizational success, so it is in a manager’s interest to identify and address the threat of harassment and violence in the workplace. But there are legal duties too.

Preventing Violence in the Workplace

Employers and managers are required to protect the health and safety of all their workers,. Failure to deal with, and take reasonable steps to prevent, harassment and violence not only undermines business performance, it could be unlawful.

Employers and unions have a common, shared interest in preventing harassment and violence. And in 2007, the European Union social partners reached an agreement on the issue.

As a result in the UK, the Trades Union Congress (TUC),the Confederation of British Industry (CBI) and the Partnership of Public Employers (PPE) for employers in the private and public sectors issued guidance to implement the agreement in the UK. This had the support of the Government, including the Health and Safety Executive (HSE), the Advisory, Conciliation and Arbitration Service (ACAS) and the Department for Business, Innovation and Skills (BIS).

The aim of the agreement and the guidance is to;

• Raise awareness and increase the understanding of employers, workers and their representatives of workplace harassment

• Provide employers, workers and their representatives with a framework of response to identify, prevent and manage problems of harassment and all forms of violence at work.

You can find the guidance at this link http://www.hse.gov.uk/violence/preventing-workplace-harassment.pdf

Wendy Smith, Career, life and Business Coach
Wendy Smith, Principal Coach, WiseWolf Life and Career Coaching

Wendy Smith is a career consultant, life coach and business coach with depth of experience in organisational development, management, coaching and personal development. That experience means she is equally at home helping clients find a new career direction, starting-up new businesses or dealing with life’s more challenging personal issues. You can contact her at wendy@wisewolfcoaching.com

Wendy has written a little eBook on how to get on with your boss and a book on job search – you can find all her books on Amazon at this link

         

Management – Preventing Violence and Harassment in the Workplace

Violence!

Management – Preventing Violence and Harassment in the Workplace

Any form of harassment and violence at work, whether it is committed by co-workers, managers or third-parties like customers or suppliers, is unacceptable.

As well as being wrong ethically, it affects the physical and psychological health of those involved. Yet according to the British Crime Survey (BCS) in 2006/07, there were an estimated 684,000 workplace incidents, (288,000 assaults and 397,000 threats of violence).

Tolerance, diversity, dignity and respect are benchmarks for business and organizational success, so it is in a manager’s interest to identify and address the threat of harassment and violence in the workplace.

But there are legal duties too.

Employers and managers are required to protect the health and safety of all their workers,. Failure to deal with, and take reasonable steps to prevent, harassment and violence not only undermines business performance, it could be unlawful.

Employers and unions have a common, shared interest in preventing harassment and violence. And in 2007, the European Union social partners reached an agreement on the issue.

As a result in the UK, the Trades Union Congress (TUC),the Confederation of British Industry (CBI) and the Partnership of Public Employers (PPE) for employers in the private and public sectors issued guidance to implement the agreement in the UK. This had the support of the Government, including the Health and Safety Executive (HSE), the Advisory, Conciliation and Arbitration Service (ACAS) and the Department for Business, Innovation and Skills (BIS).

The aim of the agreement and the guidance is to;

• Raise awareness and increase the understanding of employers, workers and their representatives of workplace harassment

• Provide employers, workers and their representatives with a framework of response to identify, prevent and manage problems of harassment and all forms of violence at work.

You can find the guidance at this link http://www.hse.gov.uk/violence/preventing-workplace-harassment.pdf

Want to be a Confident Networker? Join my free teleseminar on 26thJune 2012

Wendy Mason is a Life and Career Coach.  She helps people have the confidence they need to be successful at work and to change career while maintaining a good work/life balance. You can email her at wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com


Other  articles by Wendy

 

Career Development – Dealing With A Boss Who Feels Jealous.

Career Development – Dealing With A Boss Who Feels Jealous.

 Wendy MasonCareer Coach and author of The WiseWolf Job Search Pocket Book: How to Win Friends and Influence Recruiters  due to be published in September 2014

Bosses like all of us, can come with the whole range of human emotions and one of them might be jealousy.

Imagine it! There is your boss, a senior manager who has worked hard to get to that level. He/she is good at what they do and they know it. But they are not always sure those above appreciate them. Then, along comes this bright young team member. It appears to the boss that for them everything comes effortlessly. Those parts of the work that the boss finds difficult, the newcomer finds easy. Plus the boss’s own boss has begun already to notice how good the new person is.

Can you see how a jealous boss might begin to emerge?

And what happens?

Here is what the boss might consider. “Should we put them to work in some obscure corner on something that will give them no opportunity to shine? Or should we find fault with everything they do, so that in due course their confidence is destroyed? Should we start to niggle away about the faults they do have, being bright but young and inexperienced? We could sow the seeds of doubt couldn’t we? Of course, all these are risky strategies and make the whole team feel bad. But surely it is worth it to protect our own position and our own sensitive ego.”

The trouble is that, sadly, there are bosses around who make these kinds of bad choices.

How should you respond, if you begin to suspect your boss is feeling jealous?

First, direct confrontation rarely works, particularly if you need to keep the job. In most organizations, unless it is a clear case of bullying, the benefit of the doubt will usually be given to the more senior party. Calling on the support of your senior contacts against your boss could well rebound. They may not thank you for it, particularly if they value your boss for their technical abilities or they have a good record.

Jealousy is usually shown in quite subtle ways in the early stages. But if you begin to suspect it, the best approach is usually to make your boss feel included. They need to believe that even though you have it in you to upstage them, you will never do so.

Show your boss that you respect their expertise and ask for their advice. It might be difficult for you at first because you feel that you too are an expert. But it will help to build your relationship.

Work on making your boss look good. Be ready to have your ideas presented as theirs. Keep your own records in cases which could present a serious breach of intellectual property. But be ready to give some of the lesser stuff away or at least be ready to share it.

If you have contacts higher up the office be ready to share them with your boss. And if your boss has unsung talents, make sure your senior contacts know about them.

Turn yourself into an asset for your boss, and not a threat.

If you do find yourself relegated to the dreary corner, see what you can do to brighten things up. In most kinds of work there is some opportunity to make a positive mark if you look for it.

If at the end of the day, you are not able to influence your boss and you feel your own reputation is at real risk, think about moving on. A good brand once damaged is hard to recover and that goes for personal brands too. You don’t want to risk long-term damage your good reputation.

Meanwhile here is some advice for bosses who might be just a little bit jealous!

Take bright young team member and put them to work on the area of work that you are not good at. Then, praise them, encourage them and you make sure your boss knows that you spotted the talent and that you have incredible management abilities.

Coaches really can help in this kind of situation and I would love to talk to you. 

Warm regards 

Wendy 
wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com 
http://wisewolfcoaching.com 
UK: +44 (0) 2081239146 
US: +1 262 317 9016 
Mobile: +44 (0) 7867681439 IM: wendymason14 (Skype) 
Pre-order “The WiseWolf Job Search Pocket Book: How to Win Jobs and Influence Recruiters” from my Amazon page at this linkhttp://www.amazon.co.uk/Wendy-Mason/e/B00BEV22L4/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_1

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Career Development – Dealing with a difficult boss

Dealing with a difficult boss

Emotion: Fear (Photo credit: Cayusa)

We’ve all had them, those cranky bosses who make life difficult! Often, this not just for you and the team but for themselves as well!

I’m not talking about bullies; I’m talking about people who find it difficult to get on with other people and end up in senior management positions.  In a fair world they wouldn’t be there, but no one said the world was going to be fair?

Nevertheless, these cranky bosses can create lots of stress in the workplace. If you work to them with a team working to you, you are going to need to handle the situation.  You will need to relieve the stress on you and on your team, so that you can all concentrate on the real job.

Reality says that, if you want to stay, you are going to have to find a way to work with your cranky boss – you need a strategy.

Here are some tips;

Find a common interest   How much do you know about your boss?  See what you can find out.  What are they interested in?  Where have they come from and where do they want to go?  What are they trying to achieve in this role?  See if you can find some common ground.

Don’t jump to conclusions
Try to keep an open mind, don’t start to assume that your boss is going to be difficult about everything/ Start expecting and behaving as if your boss is going to behave reasonably until it proves otherwise.

If your boss becomes emotional, stay calm
Acknowledge the emotion, for example, “I understand that you are upset” but try not to become upset yourself.  Don’t react with emotion to emotional outburst; try to show understanding without being patronizing.

Keep focused on the work and what needs to be done Address the problem and sort out practical solutions and some options – reassure your boss that you are going to solve the problem if you can.

Manage your own emotions. 
You might find yourself getting angry or upset with your boss. Take some deep breaths concentrating on breathing out, then count to ten.  If necessary take some timeout and go to the bathroom.  Do whatever you need to do to calm down.

Stay real If you have a difficult boss, remember, the problem is about them not you.

Do your best to build a relationship that works with your boss.  If you can’t, then only you know whether it is worth staying around.  If it slides into bullying then you need to take advice –in the UK you can ring the National Bullying Help Line on 0845 22 55 787.

Use the power of good relationship building before and during all negotiations with your difficult boss. People sometimes forget than former opponents often make the strongest allies. You may find that a  well managed approach, working things through with your boss and trying to see their point of view, will earn you respect over time. It may even mean you get that promotion!

If you need advice from a coach, my email address is below.

Wendy Mason is a Life and Career Coach.  She helps people have the confidence they need to be successful at work and to change career while maintaining a good work/life balance. You can email her at wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com

On dressing, distressing and the dangers of group think!

I watched the Weakest Link last night.  Anne Robinson was clearly in good form!  I missed most of the opening round but I did see the first departure and that made me wonder.  Dave was voted off mainly, apparently,  for his rather flamboyant shirt and the distraction it caused for others.  He hadn’t got any of the questions wrong.  For me his response to going was confusing!   He had a fairly fixed smile on his face as he commented that no one would be surprised as he was expected to have ago at things and fail.

For me this raises a number of challenging issues:

  • Dressing for the programme/part/job really does make a difference! For this group, certainly how you dressed mattered.  When faced with making a choice, even when all other things were equal, the shirt was the deciding factor.
  • Believing you are going to fail usually means you do! If you don’t see yourself as a success, and don’t have the confidence that flows from that vision, then you begin to behave as if failure has already happened.  The energy level drops  and, guess what, down you fall from your tightrope!
  • Standing out from the crowd is risky!  Choosing to stand out from the crowd is always brave but to some degree it is usually required for real success.  It is risky! You put yourself apart from the group and that can mean they turn on you!  If you are already reconciled to failure this can be very risky indeed!  It is very easy to slip into the role of victim and that can lead to bullying – see the point below!
  • Group think can be damage. I doubt these nice middle class contestants would have commented so publicly on someone’s dress, in a group with different values.  In a group it is very easy for us to take on group values and sometimes even slip into the habit of criticising to the point of bullying and destroying someone else’s confidence.   Do the groups you belong to reflect your own values? As a manager – what steps do you take to monitor the values of the groups you lead and how do you intervene to protect potential victims?

I would be very interested in your views on the issues raised here.  Have you been in a group that regarded you as ‘different’?  What happened and how did you handle it?  Have you found yourself managing a group that developed values different from those you would of chosen? What did you do?

My Boss Is Trying to Kill Me | Personal Success | BNET

My boss is killing me. She constantly takes on more and more for our department.  We recently got impressive new titles, which elevated us to an exempt salary level (no more overtime), no raises, and a few more hours work per day for each of us. Stress is so high, I dream about work at night (when I can sleep at all), my hair is falling out, and I’m having digestive issues and sometimes, when things are really bad, chest pains. I wake up every weekday morning with a headache.  Read more at  blogs.bnet.com

Do you agree with the advice given?