How to get on with people at work

How to get on with people at work

Advice from Wendy Smith.  Wendy is a  Life Coach helping you find fresh perspectives on your life including your career.  You can book a FREE coaching session or find out more at this link

How to get on with people at work
Few of us like everyone

How to get on with people at work –  getting on with people is important in all parts of your life. It is very important at work.

One the hardest lessons we have to learn in life, is that we will meet people who don’t like us. Sometimes this will be for reasons that we understand.  But sometimes, it won’t! And, of course, sometimes we may find ourselves not liking someone and it may be very hard to know why.

How we respond depends very much on the circumstances.

For example, imagine yourself sitting next to someone on a plane for a journey that lasts an hour. It make very little difference whether you like each other or not.  Very soon you will part, never to meet again. But, suppose the person you can’t get on with has a much more significant role in in your life. Suppose the person you are having difficulties with is your new boss, a colleague or an employee. Not knowing how to get on with people at work matters. It matters a lot! So what can you do about it?

How to get on with people at work

First, if you are dealing with your own feelings of dislike, try to work out why you feel like that.  What is it about this person that you find so difficult?  Take some time to think about the issue.  Is it how they look? Is it something they have said or done? Sometimes, we dislike those who remind us of people or experiences in our own past. Take time to reflect and then be completely honest with yourself. Honesty with yourself really matters here.

If you have a sense of mistrust, then try to work out why? Is there any evidence to support how you feel?

Be very honest about your own prejudices. If the way you feel is about their race, their age or their sexual persuasion or their disability, then you have some hard work to do. This problem is yours to resolve, not theirs, and you cannot ignore it!

When you have feelings of dislike, start to work on valuing the individual and the contribution they make. Think about the good things about them. There will be something if you look hard enough.

If the issue is to do with your bad memories, then don’t be afraid to seek the help of a coach or counsellor. If the real problem is your own prejudice then again seek out support from a trainer or coach. Be honest and brave enough to seek help. You will lead a much happier and more fulfilling life without that issue.

If someone dislikes you, then again, see if you can work out why. Try to put things right. How much impact they have on you depends on their role in your life.

When the problem is the boss

If the person is the boss, for example, a new boss; you may have to take your confidence in both hands and start a discussion. Be prepared to hear some criticism and respond positively to it.  Try to make sure the boss really does understand how you are contributing to the work. Then work hard to turn yourself into an asset – share you knowledge with your boss.

Above all, keep the lines of communication open.  Never fight with the boss!  Find the middle ground. At the end of the day, though, if you really can’t get on, consider a move. Fighting the boss is rarely successful and generally leads to misery.

How to get on with people at work – is the problem a colleague?

If the problem is with a colleague or an employee,again work hard to find out why you don’t get on. Talk to them and try to get to know them better. Then find the middle ground. Be scrupulously fair in your dealings with them. At the end of the day, have a professional approach and focus on the work. That way you should be able to find a way to work together even though you may not be best buddies.

How to get on with people at work – you don’t owe those you work with undying affection. Nor do they owe that to you.  But you do owe them a fair chance to do their work well and a fair hearing if they have a problem.  You should be able to expect the same in return.

If you need advice on a relationship at home or at work, then get in touch with me. I can help.

Wendy Smith is a  Life Coach helping you find fresh perspectives on your life including your career. She helps people lead happier lives and feel more fulfilled. Need help finding work, with problems at work, at home or with relationships? Book a FREE coaching session with Wendy or find out more at this link

Difficult boss – here is help

Difficult boss – here is help

 Difficult boss - here is help

We’ve all had them, those cranky bosses who make life difficult! It isn’t easy working for a difficult boss.

I’m not talking about bullies. I’m talking here about people who find it difficult to get on with other people but end up in charge of others.  In a fair world they wouldn’t be there, but no one said that life was fair?

These cranky bosses create lots of stress in the workplace. If you have one and manage a team yourself, it’s up to you to relieve the stress. Then you will all be able to concentrate on the real job.

If you want to stay, you are going to have to find a way to work with your cranky boss. So, you need a strategy.

Here are some tips;

Find a common interest.  How much do you know about your boss?  See what you can find out.  What are they interested in?  Where have they come from and where do they want to go?  What are they trying to achieve in this role?  See if you can find some common ground.

Show how you can help them. If you are good at your job, don’t let your boss feel you are competing with them. Make sure what you do supports them. Work hard not to resent them getting credit for your hard work.

Don’t jump to conclusions. 
Try to keep an open mind, don’t start to assume that your boss is going to be difficult about everything. Start expecting and behaving as if your boss is going to behave reasonably until he/she proves otherwise.

Stand between the boss and your team. Recognize it is your job to protect them. Make sure their contribution is recognized and stand up for them when you need to.

If your boss becomes emotional, stay calm. 
Acknowledge the emotion, for example; “I understand that you are upset.” But try not to become upset yourself. Don’t react with emotion to emotional outburst. Try to show understanding without being patronizing.

Keep focused on the work and what needs to be done Address the problem and sort out practical solutions and some options. Reassure your boss that you are going to solve the problem if you can.

Manage your own emotions. 
You might find yourself getting angry or upset with your boss. Take some deep breaths concentrating on breathing out, then count to ten.  If necessary take some timeout and go to the bathroom.  Do whatever you need to do to calm down.

Stay real. If you have a difficult boss, remember, the problem is about them, not you.

Build the relationship

Do your best to build a relationship that works with your boss.  If you can’t, then only you know whether it is worth staying around.  Long term low morale does erode confidence. And if the boss’s behaviour slides into bullying you need to take advice –in the UK you can ring the National Bullying Help Line on 0845 22 55 787.

Use the power of good relationship building before and during all negotiations with your difficult boss. People sometimes forget than former opponents often make the strongest allies. You may find that a well-managed approach, working things through with your boss and trying to see their point of view, will earn their respect over time. It may even mean you get that promotion!

I’ve written an eBook on how to get on with your boss. You can find it at this link.  Working with a coach really can help in these kind of situations – my email address is below.

Wendy Smith, Career, life and Business Coach

Wendy Smith is a career consultant, life coach and business coach with depth of experience in organisational development, management, coaching and personal development. That experience means she is equally at home helping clients find a new career direction, starting-up new businesses or dealing with life’s more challenging personal issues. You can contact her at wendy@wisewolfcoaching.com

Wendy has written a little eBook on how to get on with your boss and a book on job search – you can find all her books on Amazon at this link

         

How to handle a jealous boss

How To Get On With The Boss

How To Get On With The Boss

How To Get On With The Boss – are you having difficulties getting on with the person in charge at work? Lots of people seem have problems with bosses. For one reason or another they can’t get on with them. But bosses How To Get On With The Bosshave a huge impact over as large parts of your daily life. And unhappiness and stress at work usually leaks out to affect the rest of your life.

Bosses are human! If you’re lucky they will be understanding, supportive, encouraging and inspiring. But, being human, they will probably have at least one characteristic that makes them difficult at times.  And if you are really unlucky they might be lazy, unmotivated, weak, over-emotional and sarcastic – all at the same time.

You’re not a powerless victim

Even in very difficult circumstances you can usually do something to help the situation. In most cases you really can learn how to get on with the boss. And, you’re more in control than you think. So, it’s a case of understanding what makes them tick, why they react as they do, and then approaching things in a way that gets the best out of your boss.

There has been a lot of interest in this subject and I’ve received a lot of questions. So, I wrote a concise and practical eBook on how to get on with the boss. And, in it you will learn how to make a great first and lasting impression at work. How to Help your boss help you. Don’t be made unhappy, suffer stress and lose confidence because you cannot get on with the person in charge. Poor relationships at work can damage life at home as well as your career. There can be long-term effects on health and on your motivation.  My little eBook can really help you avoid the pitfalls and build a strong, positive, relationship with your boss.


How To Get On With The Boss covers;

•What it means to get on with the boss
•Why it matters
•How to know whether you get on with your boss
•Getting it right
•What your boss really wants
•How requirements can change over time
•Making a good first impression
•Keeping respect once you are experienced in the role
•What to do when things go wrong
•Bosses with problems
•Demon bosses
•Putting things right
•Moving on when it is time to go
•Bullying

Here is a link to the book

And if you would like a coach to support you as you deal with your boss, please get in touch.

Wendy Smith, Career, life and Business Coach
Wendy Smith, Principal Coach, WiseWolf Life and Career Coaching

Wendy Smith is a career consultant, life coach and business coach with depth of experience in organisational development, management, coaching and personal development. That experience means she is equally at home helping clients find a new career direction, starting-up new businesses or dealing with life’s more challenging personal issues. You can contact her at wendy@wisewolfcoaching.com

Wendy has written a little eBook on how to get on with your boss and a book on job search – you can find all her books on Amazon at this link

         

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Boss: I need help to get on with you.

How to get on with the boss!

jealous bossBoss – I want to get on with you. Learn how to make a great first and lasting impression at work.  So, you can help your boss help you.  And you don’t need to be made unhappy, suffer stress and lose confidence because you cannot get on with the person in charge. Poor relationships at work can damage life at home as well as your career. There may be long-term effects on health and on your motivation. This little eBook by an experienced manager and coach can really help. Here’s the linkhttp://amzn.to/1Toimt3

Getting On With People At Work!

Getting On With People At Work!

Managing Your Career – Getting On With People At Work!

Getting on with people! One the hardest lessons we have to learn in life, is that we will meet people who don’t like us.

Sometimes this will be for reasons that we understand.  But sometimes it won’t! And, of course, sometimes we may find ourselves not liking someone and it may be very hard to know why.

How we respond depends very much on the circumstances.

If you find yourself, for example, sitting next to someone on a plane for a journey that lasts an hour, it make very little difference whether you like each other or not. But when the person you are having difficulties with is your new boss, a colleague or an employee, that does matters. It matters a lot!

First, if you are dealing with your own feelings of dislike, try to work out why you feel like that.  What is it about this person that you find difficult?  Take some time to think about the issue.  Is it how they look? Is it something they have said or done? Sometimes, we dislike those who remind us of people or experiences in our own past. Take time to reflect and then be completely honest with yourself.

If you have a sense of mistrust, then try to work out why? Is there any evidence to support how you feel?

Be very honest about your own prejudices. If the way you feel is about their race, their age or their sexual persuasion, then you have some really hard work to do. This problem is yours to resolve, not theirs.

When you have feelings of dislike, work on valuing the individual and the contribution they make.

If the issue is to do with bad memories, seek the help of a coach or counsellor.

If it is about prejudice then again seek out support from a trainer or coach if you are serious about your career. Be honest and brave enough to seek help.

If someone dislikes you, then again, see if you can work out why and try to put things right.  If the person is, for example, a new boss, then you may have to take your confidence in both hands and ask for an explanation.  Try to make sure the boss really does understand how you are contributing to the work and be prepared to share your knowledge and, on occasion, your contacts.  In other words turn yourself into an asset.

Above all keep the lines of communication open.  Never fight with the boss! At the end of the day, it really is better to move on, if you can’t find the middle ground.

If the problem is with a colleague or an employee again work hard to find out why and then find the middle ground, while being scrupulously fair. At the end of the day, with a professional approach you should be able to find a way to work together even though you may not be best buddies.

Getting on with people at work is important. You don’t owe those you work with undying affection, nor do they owe that to you.  But you do owe them a fair chance to do their work well and a fair hearing if they have a problem.  You should be able to expect the same in return.

Wendy Mason is the The Career Coach – helping you to find fresh perspectives on your Job Search and Career. She helps you work towards your goals and aspirations, in a way that fits in with both work and home life. Email her at wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com,  find her on Skype at wendymason14, or call +44 (0) 2081239146 (02081239146 for UK callers) or +1 262 317 9016 if you are in the US.

A free trial/consultation allows you to try phone coaching from the comfort of your own home and without risk. Don’t forget to ask about the Summer Special Offer 

 

Career Development – Dealing With A Difficult Boss – Part 2 Books To Help

Career Development – Dealing With A Difficult Boss – Part 2 Books To Help

Lots of people seem have problems with bosses – for one reason or another they can’t get on with them. But bosses have a huge impact over large parts of your daily life. And unhappiness and stress at work can leak out to affect the rest of your life.

Bosses are human! If you’re lucky they will be understanding, supportive, encouraging and inspiring. But, being human, they will probably have at least one characteristic that makes them difficult for you in some aspect of your relationship. If you are really unlucky they might be lazy, unmotivated, weak, over-emotional and sarcastic – all at more or less the same time.

But you’re not a powerless victim. When it comes to your boss, then you’re more in control than you think. It’s a case of understanding what makes them tick, why they react as they do, and then approaching situations in the right way to get the best out of your boss.

You can find help. We’ve written here before about “Dealing with a Difficult Boss”. We said that if you want to stay, you are going to have to find a way to work with your cranky boss, you need a strategy and we offered some tips.

But given the interest in that post and, the questions we received, I’ve found a couple of books on Amazon that you might like to read, if you are having problems.

How to manage your Boss” is for a UK audience and “It’s OK to Manage Your Boss” is for readers in the US.

How to Manage your Boss” by Ros Jay

This is the user’s guide to getting the best from your manager. Understand what matters to them and how they like to function, and you can start to build a relationship that is as beneficial as it is rewarding. Developing a good relationship with your boss is vital for a low-stress, high-reward working life and you are in control.

Its Okay to Manage Your Boss: The Step-by-Step Program for Making the Best of Your Most Important Relationship at Work by Bruce Tulgan” provides a program to help you feel in control of your work life again.

And if you would like a coach to support you as you deal with this, please get in touch.

Wendy Mason is a career coach.  She helps people reach their goals and aspirations, without sacrificing their home and personal life.  Before working as a coach, Wendy had a long career in both the public and private sectors in general management and consultancy as well as spells in HR.  She now divides her time between coaching and writing. You can contact Wendy at wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com and find out more at http://wisewolfcoaching.com

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Career Development – Dealing With A Boss Who Feels Jealous.

Career Development – Dealing With A Boss Who Feels Jealous.

 Wendy MasonCareer Coach and author of The WiseWolf Job Search Pocket Book: How to Win Friends and Influence Recruiters  due to be published in September 2014

Bosses like all of us, can come with the whole range of human emotions and one of them might be jealousy.

Imagine it! There is your boss, a senior manager who has worked hard to get to that level. He/she is good at what they do and they know it. But they are not always sure those above appreciate them. Then, along comes this bright young team member. It appears to the boss that for them everything comes effortlessly. Those parts of the work that the boss finds difficult, the newcomer finds easy. Plus the boss’s own boss has begun already to notice how good the new person is.

Can you see how a jealous boss might begin to emerge?

And what happens?

Here is what the boss might consider. “Should we put them to work in some obscure corner on something that will give them no opportunity to shine? Or should we find fault with everything they do, so that in due course their confidence is destroyed? Should we start to niggle away about the faults they do have, being bright but young and inexperienced? We could sow the seeds of doubt couldn’t we? Of course, all these are risky strategies and make the whole team feel bad. But surely it is worth it to protect our own position and our own sensitive ego.”

The trouble is that, sadly, there are bosses around who make these kinds of bad choices.

How should you respond, if you begin to suspect your boss is feeling jealous?

First, direct confrontation rarely works, particularly if you need to keep the job. In most organizations, unless it is a clear case of bullying, the benefit of the doubt will usually be given to the more senior party. Calling on the support of your senior contacts against your boss could well rebound. They may not thank you for it, particularly if they value your boss for their technical abilities or they have a good record.

Jealousy is usually shown in quite subtle ways in the early stages. But if you begin to suspect it, the best approach is usually to make your boss feel included. They need to believe that even though you have it in you to upstage them, you will never do so.

Show your boss that you respect their expertise and ask for their advice. It might be difficult for you at first because you feel that you too are an expert. But it will help to build your relationship.

Work on making your boss look good. Be ready to have your ideas presented as theirs. Keep your own records in cases which could present a serious breach of intellectual property. But be ready to give some of the lesser stuff away or at least be ready to share it.

If you have contacts higher up the office be ready to share them with your boss. And if your boss has unsung talents, make sure your senior contacts know about them.

Turn yourself into an asset for your boss, and not a threat.

If you do find yourself relegated to the dreary corner, see what you can do to brighten things up. In most kinds of work there is some opportunity to make a positive mark if you look for it.

If at the end of the day, you are not able to influence your boss and you feel your own reputation is at real risk, think about moving on. A good brand once damaged is hard to recover and that goes for personal brands too. You don’t want to risk long-term damage your good reputation.

Meanwhile here is some advice for bosses who might be just a little bit jealous!

Take bright young team member and put them to work on the area of work that you are not good at. Then, praise them, encourage them and you make sure your boss knows that you spotted the talent and that you have incredible management abilities.

Coaches really can help in this kind of situation and I would love to talk to you. 

Warm regards 

Wendy 
wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com 
http://wisewolfcoaching.com 
UK: +44 (0) 2081239146 
US: +1 262 317 9016 
Mobile: +44 (0) 7867681439 IM: wendymason14 (Skype) 
Pre-order “The WiseWolf Job Search Pocket Book: How to Win Jobs and Influence Recruiters” from my Amazon page at this linkhttp://www.amazon.co.uk/Wendy-Mason/e/B00BEV22L4/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_1

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Career Development – Dealing with a difficult boss

Dealing with a difficult boss

Emotion: Fear (Photo credit: Cayusa)

We’ve all had them, those cranky bosses who make life difficult! Often, this not just for you and the team but for themselves as well!

I’m not talking about bullies; I’m talking about people who find it difficult to get on with other people and end up in senior management positions.  In a fair world they wouldn’t be there, but no one said the world was going to be fair?

Nevertheless, these cranky bosses can create lots of stress in the workplace. If you work to them with a team working to you, you are going to need to handle the situation.  You will need to relieve the stress on you and on your team, so that you can all concentrate on the real job.

Reality says that, if you want to stay, you are going to have to find a way to work with your cranky boss – you need a strategy.

Here are some tips;

Find a common interest   How much do you know about your boss?  See what you can find out.  What are they interested in?  Where have they come from and where do they want to go?  What are they trying to achieve in this role?  See if you can find some common ground.

Don’t jump to conclusions
Try to keep an open mind, don’t start to assume that your boss is going to be difficult about everything/ Start expecting and behaving as if your boss is going to behave reasonably until it proves otherwise.

If your boss becomes emotional, stay calm
Acknowledge the emotion, for example, “I understand that you are upset” but try not to become upset yourself.  Don’t react with emotion to emotional outburst; try to show understanding without being patronizing.

Keep focused on the work and what needs to be done Address the problem and sort out practical solutions and some options – reassure your boss that you are going to solve the problem if you can.

Manage your own emotions. 
You might find yourself getting angry or upset with your boss. Take some deep breaths concentrating on breathing out, then count to ten.  If necessary take some timeout and go to the bathroom.  Do whatever you need to do to calm down.

Stay real If you have a difficult boss, remember, the problem is about them not you.

Do your best to build a relationship that works with your boss.  If you can’t, then only you know whether it is worth staying around.  If it slides into bullying then you need to take advice –in the UK you can ring the National Bullying Help Line on 0845 22 55 787.

Use the power of good relationship building before and during all negotiations with your difficult boss. People sometimes forget than former opponents often make the strongest allies. You may find that a  well managed approach, working things through with your boss and trying to see their point of view, will earn you respect over time. It may even mean you get that promotion!

If you need advice from a coach, my email address is below.

Wendy Mason is a Life and Career Coach.  She helps people have the confidence they need to be successful at work and to change career while maintaining a good work/life balance. You can email her at wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com

Handle with care – bad news for the boss!

A Meeting with the Boss
Image by David Panevin via Flickr

I’ve written here before about giving bad news! Delivering bad news to anybody is difficult, but delivering bad news to your sponsor or line manager is one of the toughest and most stressful things you  will do in your working life!

It doesn’t matter whether or not it is your fault, it is still uncomfortable.

Regardless of  whether the failure is your fault, it can be embarrassing.

If you have an open and positive relationship with your boss so much the better, you can talk about handling bad news before you have any to deliver.  Be wise and see if you can reach an agreement in the early stages about what to do when things go wrong!

If you are unlucky enough to have one of those bosses who always reacts badly when receiving bad news,  it will need careful handling,

So when something has gone wrong – what can you do?

  1. First, don’t put off delivering bad news until the things get worse. Most problems left unresolved get worse over time, so waiting to tell the boss doesn’t help the situation.
  2. Gather as many facts as possible! You will probably be asked several questions about how it happened. You should be able to give a convincing, honest and well-informed answer!
  3. If possible you should also have a convincing plan to put things right.
  4. If it means a delay to delivering your process, programme or project, be clear about what that means in terms of time, resources and ultimate delivery.
  5. If there are increased risks, show how you plan to mitigate them.
  6. Deliver the message clearly and directly. If you have made a mistake or forgotten something, it really is better to confess and apologise.
  7. Don’t stimulate a blame culture. Try not to deliver bad news in a way that embarrasses the boss and reflects directly on them.  Don’t start playing the whose to blame “tit-for-tat” game, if you can avoid it.
  8. If some one more junior in your team made a mistake then stand by them – it’s your team! But don’t defend the indefensible!
  9. Try to deliver bad news in private if possible. If you have to report the problem to a board then try to have word with your boss and/or the chair beforehand and agree how it will be handled.
  10. If you can, follow bad news up with good news and go on to talk about success.

Remember that we have all made mistakes including your boss.    But make sure you learn from this experience! If you got something wrong and you are trying to do a good job, make sure  you have all the training you need and that you have sufficient resources.   If you don’t, then speak up and show that you intend to do all you can to make sure you have no further bad news to deliver!