Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 6 Change Your Core Beliefs
You can find the earlier posts in this series at the links below. In the last few posts I’ve asked you to start thinking about emotions. I’ve explained how identifying your troublesome emotion helps you gain control and make sure things turn out more positively for you in the future. As well as that, I asked you to think about what is most difficult for you, then I asked you to set some goals. Now we are going to think about challenging and beginning to change those core beliefs we all carry. They get in the way when we want to make a personal change that will improve our lives. As I’ve said before, success depends on being very honest with yourself.
We all carry unhelpful beliefs about ourselves, about other people and about the world about us. We gather them up as we go through life from our parents, our teachers, others about us and from things that happen to us. We learn to think, for example, that we are lazy or stupid. May be we think we are bad people, unworthy of happiness or success; or that people like us just never succeed! Most of these belief are not founded in anything real but we go on believing.
We may have failed at something once but that doesn’t mean we will not succeed this time or that we are less worthy of happiness.
There are three tests that we can apply to our core beliefs to see if it is worth letting them spoil the rest of our lives. They are
If you have been unlucky enough to experience some kind of failure in life, such as, losing a job or a relationship, it isn’t logical to think of your self as a failure. Stop for one moment and think how you would judge a close friend or relation if they came to you and told you they were in the same place. What would you think and what would you say? So, why are you different? Is it sound, logical or consistent to apply different standards to you, to those you apply to the rest of the world? You are worthwhile even if you have failed lots of times – my word yes – you had the guts to try!
Does you core belief match with objective reality? Think of everything you have done throughout your life. Has every single thing been a failure? I doubt it. We all succeed at some things and fail at others. Think quietly about the good things you have done; things you have enjoyed and the things other people have liked and thanked you for. Gather evidence like a forensic detective. Where is the hard cold evidence that your core belief is really true – where does the balance of your life-long evidence lead you.
What is carrying this core belief actually doing for you? Does it help you overcome your problems and feel better? Are you a “better” person because you carry this self belief? Some people do see calling themselves failures or unworthy as motivating them to do or be better. But for most of us, it just saps energy, erodes our self-esteem and makes us feel bad.
Coming to terms with the consequences of our core beliefs often helps us to have the confidence to get rid of them.
The next post in this series will about self acceptance. Accepting ourselves as we really are, is key to making that lasting change that is going to lead to real fulfilment and success in the future.
I know you can develop the confidence you need to change your core beliefs and I would like to help you. Email me now to arrange a free half-hour taster coaching session.
Wendy Mason is a career coach working mainly with professional women who want to make that jump to senior level while having a life outside work. Before working as a coach, Wendy had a long career in both the public and private sectors in general management and consultancy as well as spells in HR. She now divides her time between face to face coaching, and coaching and blogging on-line. You can contact Wendy at firstname.lastname@example.org and find out more at http://wisewolfcoaching.com
Coming shortly – the WiseWolf Career and Personal Development Programme – if you would like to know more email email@example.com
Earlier Posts in this series
Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 1 Admit A Change is Needed
Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 2 Be Clear About The Change You Want
Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 3 Be Clear About What Is Troubling You
Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 4 Identify what is most difficult for you
Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 5 Select Your Goals for Change