How to Handle Bad News

All of us have to deal with bad news sometimes, and that includes dealing with rejection at work or in your job search.

How to Handle Bad News

Advice from Wendy Smith; Life Coach and Career Coach, author of The WiseWolf Job Search Pocket Book – order on Amazon

How to Handle Bad News – all of us have to deal with bad news sometimes. This could be at work or in our private lives. It includes dealing with rejection at work or in your job search.

Hearing bad news and feeling rejected can make you feel miserable. And telling yourself it doesn’t matter, or that you aren’t bothered, is not going to help you. Instead of bottling up your emotions, it is good to let them out. Then you can usually move on more easily. Having someone who you trust to whom you can express your disappointment really does help. If no one is around, then writing it all down in private is useful. And of course it is the kind of thing that life coaches and career coaches can help you with.

Don’t feel guilty or that you are necessarily to blame. For example, in job search, recruitment procedures can be very crude and the best candidate doesn’t always get the job. Lots of very good candidates get screened out for less than good reasons. But you should try to get feedback and learn from the experience in case there is something useful for next time.

Look for the positives in the experience. For example,, did you learn some useful information in your research? Have you met new people that you can now add to your network? Have your learned new skills? Reflecting on the real positives will help build up your confidence after the knock.

Above all, know that you are not alone. Rejection happens all the time in life and learning to deal with it is a key life skill. Certainly these days it is a key skill in job search. But if you find yourself getting in stuck on the downward slope, find someone to talk to – either a trusted friend or a coach like me.

Now onwards and upwards – it is good to keep occupied and not ruminate on what has happened. The world is still full of possibilities. Don’t miss them by taking yourself out of the game – commit to bouncing right back.

Working with a coach really can help you handle rejection. You can get in touch at the link at the bottom of this page – I offer a free half hour trial session by phone or Skype.

Resources for the job seeker (but remember I’m a life coach as well as a career coach)

As a job seeker, there are lots of useful techniques to learn or to refresh. From writing a modern CV to wooing at the interview, you’ll find lots of tips in my handy little pocket book.

be passionate
A concise and practical little workbook. For all who have the courage to go out and learn the new skills necessary to find a job now.

A concise and practical little work book. For all who have the courage to go out and learn the new skills necessary to find a job now.

Find this and my other books on my Amazon page at this link; http://ow.ly/BRSAL

Remember working with a career coach can really help job search. Get in touch at the Facing a mid-career dilemmaemail address below – I offer a free half hour trial session by phone or Skype.

Wendy Smith, Career, life and Business Coach

Wendy Smith is a career consultant, life coach and business coach with depth of experience in organisational development, management, coaching and personal development. That experience means she is equally at home helping clients find a new career direction, starting-up new businesses or dealing with life’s more challenging personal issues. 

Need help finding work, with problems at work, at home or with relationships? Book your free 30 minute, no obligation, trial coaching session with Wendy Smith now at this Link 

Finding Your Passion In Life – 7 Thought

“Passion” is a very broad word. Each of us chooses to define as we will

Finding Your Passion In Life -7 Thoughts

by Dick Bolles on the CAREEREALISM website

1. “Passion” is a very broad word. Each of us chooses to define as we will.

It may vary from “work that gets me excited” to “this is why I believe I was placed on this earth.” When we are talking with someone about this subject, each of us may think we know what the other means. But often we are wrong. If we use it, we need to define what we mean by it.

2. “My passion” is related to, and dependent upon, self-knowledge.

Show teenagers, for example, a list of possible careers, and ask them which ones they feel any passion for, and they are liable to answer “None.” Come to that same person ten or fifteen years later, and they have gained in knowledge of the world of work. More importantly they have gained in knowledge of themselves.

Now they know, from experience, exactly what they like or don’t like. We, who are trying to help, may speed up that process by asking them to do a self-inventory. At any age. Typically, they will want a template for doing such an inventory.

3. “Passion” has seven parts to it.

The most helpful self-inventories always turn out to be those that correspond to the parts of a job. That is to say, every job has seven parts to it: it requires certain skills (do), certain knowledge (know), certain goals (reach), certain people environments (surround), certain working conditions (enable), certain locations (find), and a certain level of responsibility (chart).

Read more at http://www.careerealism.com/finding-passion-life/#j02Br7AMtvCXemzA.99

7 Thoughts About Finding Your Passion In Life

“Passion” is a very broad word. Each of us chooses to define as we will

7 Thoughts About Finding Your Passion In Life

by Dick Bolle on the CAREEREALISM website

1. “Passion” is a very broad word. Each of us chooses to define as we will.

It may vary from “work that gets me excited” to “this is why I believe I was placed on this earth.” When we are talking with someone about this subject, each of us may think we know what the other means. But often we are wrong. If we use it, we need to define what we mean by it.

2. “My passion” is related to, and dependent upon, self-knowledge.

Show teenagers, for example, a list of possible careers, and ask them which ones they feel any passion for, and they are liable to answer “None.” Come to that same person ten or fifteen years later, and they have gained in knowledge of the world of work. More importantly they have gained in knowledge of themselves.

Now they know, from experience, exactly what they like or don’t like. We, who are trying to help, may speed up that process by asking them to do a self-inventory. At any age. Typically, they will want a template for doing such an inventory.

3. “Passion” has seven parts to it.

The most helpful self-inventories always turn out to be those that correspond to the parts of a job. That is to say, every job has seven parts to it: it requires certain skills (do), certain knowledge (know), certain goals (reach), certain people environments (surround), certain working conditions (enable), certain locations (find), and a certain level of responsibility (chart).

Read more at http://www.careerealism.com/finding-passion-life/#j02Br7AMtvCXemzA.99

The Resilient Mindset – don’t let a fixed mindset defeat you.

You can do it! You can make the change you desire – it is time to start believing. Reach for your sword and begin practicing.

Don’t change – stay right where you are”!

Nobody said change was easy.  Personal change is hard, so is changing an organization.  It is uncomfortable and risky.

That is why most of us don’t change until change is forced on us.

We don’t change; even when making a change could make a huge and positive difference for us and those about us.

Most of us have a mindset that favours staying put right where we are – a “fixed” mindset. And fixed mindsets lack resilience.

Standing still and staying where we are, can present far more danger and risk in the long term than making a change.

Changing that mindset

So how do you develop a resilient mindset?

You need to learn to challenge your own thinking.

Your fixed mindset will chatter away in your head, if you let it.  It will fill your head with negativity and erode your confidence.

The nasty fixed mindset will tell you that even if you wanted to change, you can’t do it!  You’re not bright enough! Your team isn’t strong enough!  You don’t have the brains or the talent!

This time you are going to answer back. 

“Well I’m certainly bright enough – if I see the need for change, I’m bright enough to do it.  I can learn and I can find people who can advise me.  I can learn and my team can learn!”

You fixed mindset will probably answer – “But what happens if and when you fail?

So here is your defence.  “Everyone fails sometimes.  But I’ll do it well and I’ll manage the risks – so I’ve got every chance of success”

“But” says your fixed mindset, “if you don’t make the change, you can’t fail.”

“No, but, if I don’t try, I’ve failed already!

Now your fixed mindset sneers and becomes cunning.  “Oh so it is going to be easy for you then!”

You smile wryly.  “No it isn’t going to be easy.  Nothing worth having comes easy. I’m going to do it”

Back into the shadows!

If you keep beating it back, at some point your fixed mindset will slink away into the shadows.  It won’t be dead.

It may emerge occasionally when you are feeling tired or frustrated.

But you have the upper hand now.  You know you have to find the energy to take up your sword and beat it back into the shadows again.

With practice you can learn to think positively and confidently about your change.  You will develop a resilient mindset

You can do it! You can make the change you desire – it is time to start believing. Reach for your sword and begin practicing.


Wendy Mason works as a Coach, Consultant and Writer. 

She works with all kinds of people going through many different kinds of personal and career change, particularly those;

  • looking for work
  • looking for promotion or newly promoted
  • moving between Public and Private Sectors
  • facing redundancy
  • moving into retirement
  • wanting to do a mid-life review

You can contact Wendy at wendymason@wisewolfconsulting.com  or ring ++44 (0)2084610114

Share

  • Becoming A Leader Today – What to give up! (wisewolftalking.com)
  • Are you a resilient leader? (wisewolftalking.com)
  • Business: Change Your Performance Mindset (psychologytoday.com)

Let me tell your fortune – I'll tell you your life's purpose!

I believe life is largely what you make it, but you do have to make the right choices if you are going to feel fulfilled. There is much to be said for spending time to work our where you go from here!

How to fold a paper fortune teller 12 steps
How to fold a paper fortune teller in 12 steps

When going through personal transition, you can spend lots of time thinking about what you are going to do next and where you are going in life. A classic question in these circumstances is,  “Where would you like to be in five years time?”

In order to answer that question we often end up thinking; “Well what is it it all about any way?”

This is usually closely followed by; “What am I here for?”

I found a website that promised a method for answering this question in 20 minutes – and no I’m not going to give you a link to it for reasons which I’ll explain later.

But basically this is what that website advised you to do:

  1. Take out a blank sheet of paper or open up a word processor where you can type.
  2. Write at the top, “What is my true purpose in life?”
  3. Write an answer (any answer) that pops into your head. It doesn’t have to be a complete sentence. A short phrase is fine.
  4. Repeat step 3 until you write the answer that makes you cry. This is your purpose.

That’s it.

Simple isn’t it!

It went on to say it will take “15-20 minutes to clear your head of all the clutter and the social conditioning about what you think your purpose in life is. The false answers will come from your mind and your memories. But when the true answer finally arrives, it will feel like it’s coming to you from a different source entirely.”

Oh how I wish it could be that easy and oh dear how dangerous I think that particular piece of advice could be!

Suppose you spent your twenty minutes and then came up with a view that would mean a huge life change and you acted upon it with no further consideration.  Wouldn’t that be a bit risky?

But that advice is by no means as potentially damaging to the vulnerable as that below

I was told about this recently.

A friend of mine follows astrology columns, largely for fun – she enjoys the positive and tries head to ignore the negative.  But recently she took up an offer from an astrology service to tell her, her life purpose.  What she got back would have been devastating for some.

It claimed that the unhappiness she was suffering in this life was all the result of some terrible deed she had done in a past life.  It claimed her actions had resulted in the death of many and that she needed to spend the rest of this life in penance and good deeds.

Luckily she is a healthy well-balanced and positive person who could laugh off this kind of advice and determine not to try it again.  But I know others for whom it would have been disastrous!

Anyway, I’m not convinced we have an individual life purpose!

I believe life is largely what you make it, but you do have to make the right choices if you are going to feel fulfilled.  There is much to be said for going through some of the steps recommended above but with a few changes.

  1. Take out a blank sheet of paper or open up a word processor where you can type.
  2. Write at the top, “What do I want do with my life – where could I go from here?”
  3. Write all the answers that come into you head in say 20 minutes. They don’t have to be complete sentences. A short phrase is fine.
  4. Now spend the next day thinking about your answers and in 24 hours go through your list again to delete, amend, add to and prioritize.

So now you have a list – what does it mean for you?

If it makes sense, act on it! But only if it makes real sense for you in your life and in you circumstances.  I’m all for being open minded about possibilities though!

And don’t leave it at that, in a week’s time review it again.

Then each month from now on take up your list and see if it still makes sense.

I suspect over time your wishes and your priorities will change as your life evolves and so it should! Life, like the world itself, is in a constant state of change and sadly one answer is unlikely to be good for all time.

The lesson in all this is to be very careful about the advice you follow.

There is so much out there now that you need to make very careful choices about what you take seriously.

And I’m not sure that I would take too seriously any website that offers to send you the answers to life’s deepest mysteries in return for £20 and your credit card details.

I’ve sounded very cynical above about doing work on your life purpose.  But you may have experienced something that worked really well for you and made a huge difference to your life.  If so I would love to hear from you.

Wendy Mason works as a consultant, business coach and blogger. Adept at problem solving, she is a great person to bring in when that one thing you thought was straightforward turns out not to be! If you have a problem talk to Wendy – she can help you – email her atwendymason@wisewolfconsulting.com or ring ++44(0)7867681439


TIME ONCE AGAIN FOR YOUR DECEMBER LIFE STOCKTAKE?

Taking stock of your life to see if it is on track is a bit like going to see your dentist for a regular check up! We all know we should do but lots of us don’t! We find lots of excuses for not actually getting on with it. For some of us we put it off until it’s forced on us, for example, at redundancy or some kind of personal tragedy. But most of us would probably gain from a simple check up periodically may be once a year! December is a superb time to take stock on where you are both on a professional and a personal level. You can then begin to think through your plan for next year and how you are going to make it brilliant!

Last year I suggested we should take regular stock of our lives, just as we go to see the dentist for a regular check up! We all know we should do it!  But many of us don’t!   Most of us would gain from a simple check up once a year!  December is a superb time to take stock both on a professional and a personal level.  We can then begin to  think through our plans for next year and how we are going to make it brilliant! So come with me –  get your pad and pen and follow this link to my guidance on making a start.

 

CLEARING OUT THE CUPBOARDS

Make clearing out your cupboards a sacramental process – an outward and visible sign with an inward and very significant meaning. Review the past and let it go!

We have lived here in Hither Green for the last fifteen years.  We are planning to stay here – so now we are planning a major house redecoration project.  Well, I say redecoration!  It is more complete refurbishment.  I’m just beginning to realise it is likely to be nearly, if not as, traumatic as moving house and the prospect is quite daunting.  I have less than two weeks to get ready – awe inspiring.  So I have started to clear out cupboards.

I’m a squirrel by nature when it comes to paper (and clothes).  Although I recycle junk mail, newspapers and magazines, most other forms of paper stay in the house!  But, sadly, not in very good order!  I have boxes and boxes of documents, going back to the time we first moved in.

So now each day I get to work.  And it really is a voyage of re-discovery!  Along side the old fuel bills – did we really pay so little in 1999 – are touching letters from relatives and friends.  These will continue to be treasured.  But there are reminders of much less happy things – very much the downs, as opposed to the ups, of domestic and professional life.  Most of them long forgotten and long since overcome –  except for this paperwork.  I don’t need them, or the memories, thank you!  They will be given a decent funeral in the re-cycling bin.  Others are just part of an older life – not part of now and the life I now lead.  So I am letting them go too!

For me, this is a very therapeutic process.  Good thing really, because there is going to have to be rather a lot of it, before the workmen arrive.    But I would really recommend it!  If you want to feel completely comfortable in your present skin, then let go the past and its symbols.  Clear out the old papers and the dust of mediocre memories!  Keep the things that bring you joy – let the rest go!

Make clearing out your cupboards a sacramental processan outward and visible sign with an inward and very significant meaning. Review the past and let it go!