Confidence tips

Confidence tips

Confidence tips

Five Tips to Help You Feel More Confident

Confidence tips – having a healthy amount of self-esteem and self-confidence is good for us. It helps to make life happier and more successful. Having confidence in yourself and your abilities goes a long way. This is whether you’re facing a tough decision, adapting to a new situation or facing major change. Here are some confidence tips to help build your self-esteem.

Acknowledge your humanity

Remember no one is perfect and no one can do everything. And to be less than perfect is to be human. You are you and you are good enough as you are! It may not always seem this way, but it’s true. So if you are not the chief executive or a millionaire – that’ is OK! You have a personality and a perspective on the world that’s all your own and completely valuable. That doesn’t mean though that you stop wanting to grow and develop as a human being!

Stop criticising yourself.

This is one of the things that stop us achieving our goals and feeling good about ourselves. You are a mixture of strengths and weaknesses just like everyone else. Concentrate on the good bits! If you don’t do well at a particular project or task the first time (or even the second time), it doesn’t mean that you never will. Perhaps you weren’t prepared or the time simply wasn’t right. It doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you or that you’ll never succeed. It is natural to feel disappointed but don’t get hooked on it. Let it go and move on. You’ll be that much closer to achieving what you want if you do.

Understand your strengths

Everybody’s good at something, and many people are good at quite a few things. Even if you don’t have a talent or strength that you’re aware of, you probably have some interests you can develop into strengths. Make a list of a few things you’re good at! Add a few things you’re interested in and would like to be better at. Share this list with someone you like and trust. This is a good exercise to do with a partner who also wants to work on their confidence. They can probably help you find other things you’re good at, too. You can help each other plan for developing skills and interests.

Celebrate the good things

Notice all the good things you do in a day even the small things. Everything – the favour you do for a friend – the help you give a relative – it’s all good. Notice it and give yourself a big pat on the back. Get hooked on feeling good about what you achieve. In time it will become a habit. You could always keep a celebration journal to reflect on when you are feeling down. Don’t be afraid to treat yourself when you do something good.

Above all, stay relaxed

Staying relaxed in general can help you see the bigger picture and not sweat the small stuff. It is a good frame of mind to be in when taking a close look at the things you’re not so good at.  There are lots of simple relaxation techniques around that can help – simple breathing exercises are easy to learn and really do help. Try this link. Learn a technique and use it whenever you are faced with any kind of threat to your confidence.

I hope you have enjoyed these confidence tips and that you will find them useful. I  work with many clients to raise their confidence and become happier people at work and at home. I would be very happy to talk to you about how I can help.

Wendy Smith is a career consultant, life coach and business coach with depth of experience in organisational development, management, coaching and personal development. That experience means she is equally at home helping clients find a new career direction, starting-up new businesses or dealing with life’s more challenging personal issues. You can contact her at wendy@wisewolfcoaching.com

Wendy has written a little eBook on how to get on with your boss and a book on job search – you can find all her books on Amazon at this link

         

How to look confident

How to look confident

Tips To Help You Look Confident

Why is looking confident important?

How to look confident – if you want people to have confidence in you,  you need How to look confidentto look confident. If you want people to be drawn to you, you need to look confident! It is even more important than looking good or being good at what you do! That might seem a little unfair but in the real world it is only too true!

So, do you look confident?

If I met you for the first time, what would I see and what would I hear?  What would your body language tell me?  Would I want to get to know you better? Would I have confidence in your ability to do that job I might have available? Or, would I buy that product or service from you?
The need for confidence permeates all parts of our lives. People like others who are confident as friends and potential partners.
When it comes to appearing confident, remember that over 70% of our communication is transmitted by our body language. So, while you are working to increase your  confidence, how do you change your body language to make you look confident?  Here are some tips to help:

Six Tips To Help You Look Confident

      1. Start with your feet.  Stand with them at least 12 inches apart and have your weight distributed evenly between them. Plant the soles of your feet firmly and evenly on the ground. Let them give a firm support to the rest of your body. Now, you are rooted but not rooted to the spot! Don’t lock your knees – instead keep them soft and very slightly flexed.
      2. Let you spine be proud. Your spine protects and supports your internal organs! Feel your spine lifting you to the sky – that is what it is there for!  Lift your upper body out of your pelvis and stand upright.  Feel yourself “lengthening your spine” – stand proud!  Try thinking of a piece of string attached to the top of your head gently pulling upwards. But don’t stand rigidly – you are not a soldier on parade.
      3. Keep your shoulders relaxed. Let them drop – don’t lift them high. The shoulders and neck often show how tense we are – let yours relax.
      4. Let your shoulders widen rather than pull back. Open your chest up so that you can breathe freely.  That in itself will make you feel more relaxed.
      5. Smile. Work on learning to smile naturally at home. Practice some affirmations giving yourself some positive messages, for example; “relax and smile”, “calm and smile”, “wonderful people make me smile.” Bring that smile to your eyes and let it broaden to fill your whole body and mind. Practice sensing how it feels.  Now when you meet other people say quietly to your self; “these are the wonderful people who make me smile.” Find yourself smiling.
      6. Change your focus. When we go into a new situation if we lack confidence, we tend to focus on ourselves and how we feel. You can change your focus to the people about you. Start to be really interested in them rather than how you are feeling. You will seem more approachable and look more confident.

Finding help

Practice my tips above nd you will be surprised at the effect.  You may well find yourself, not just looking more confident, but feeling more confident too.  It helps to work with a coach of course and I just happen to be a qualified confidence coach – so feel free to get in touch!

Wendy Smith is a career consultant, life coach and business coach with depth of experience in management, coaching and personal development. That experience means she is equally at home helping clients find a new career direction, starting-up new businesses or dealing with life’s more challenging personal issues. You can contact her at wendy@wisewolfcoaching.com

Wendy has written a little eBook on how to get on with your boss and a book on job search – you can find her books on Amazon at this link

         

Confidence At Work

Confidence At Work

You Too Can Be More Confident At Work

Confidence – I found a useful post on forbes.com.  I have worked with a number of clients who have come to me feeling unhappy at work and suffering from lack of confidence. Beginning to understand just how competent they are really and how to be assertive (without being aggressive) has made a big difference to their lives.  If you would like to discuss how I might be able to help you please get in touch.

Meanwhile enjoy the post.

There are many reasons you can lack confidence at work. Maybe you’re in a job that requires skills you don’t have, or you’re less experienced than anyone around you. Or you’re new to the company and feel uneasy about your ability to succeed. Or you feel threatened by colleagues, fear losing your job, or are simply too hard on yourself. Public humiliation and errors in judgment can also do the trick. 

There’s just one most common reason, though, says Lynn Taylor, a national workplace expert and author of Tame Your Terrible Office Tyrant: “Overall, the most common reason that employees lose confidence is very simply because of a bad relationship with their boss. That insecurity will last as long as the relationship is strained.”

You can read the rest of this interesting post at this link

http://www.forbes.com/sites/jacquelynsmith/2012/03/06/how-to-be-more-confident-at-work/

Wendy Smith is a career consultant, life coach and business coach with depth of experience in management, coaching and personal development. That experience means she is equally at home helping clients find a new career direction, starting-up new businesses or dealing with life’s more challenging personal issues. You can contact her at wendy@wisewolfcoaching.com

Wendy has written a little eBook on how to get on with your boss and a book on job search – you can find her books on Amazon at this link

         

You Too Can Be More Confident At Work

You Too Can Be More Confident At Work

I found a useful post on forbes.com.  I have worked with a number of clients who have come to me feeling unhappy at work and a lack of confidence. Beginning to understand just how competent they are really and how to be assertive without being aggressive has made a big difference to their lives.  If you would like to discuss how I might be able to help you please get in touch http://my.vcita.com/wendymason.wisewolf/scheduler.

Meanwhile enjoy the post.

There are many reasons you can lack confidence at work. Maybe you’re in a job that requires skills you don’t have, or you’re less experienced than anyone around you. Or you’re new to the company and feel uneasy about your ability to succeed. Or you feel threatened by colleagues, fear losing your job, or are simply too hard on yourself. Public humiliation and errors in judgment can also do the trick. 

There’s just one most common reason, though, says Lynn Taylor, a national workplace expert and author of Tame Your Terrible Office Tyrant: “Overall, the most common reason that employees lose confidence is very simply because of a bad relationship with their boss. That insecurity will last as long as the relationship is strained.”

You can read the rest of this interesting post at this link

http://www.forbes.com/sites/jacquelynsmith/2012/03/06/how-to-be-more-confident-at-work/

Wendy is the The Career Coach – helping you to find fresh perspectives on your Job Search and Career. She helps you work towards your goals and aspirations, in a way that fits in with both work and home life. Email her at wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com,  find her on Skype at wendymason14, or call +44 (0) 2081239146 (02081239146 for UK callers) or +1 262 317 9016 if you are in the US.

Book a free trial/consultation to try phone coaching from the comfort of your own home and without risk. Don’t forget to ask about the Summer Special Offer 

Career Development – Six Tips To Help You Look Confident

Career Development – Six Tips To Help You Look Confident

Why is looking confident important?

If you want people to have confidence in you, as well as being good at what you do, you need to look confident. Yes, I know that is a little unfair – surely being good should be enough?  Sadly in the real world, that is rare!
So, do you look confident?
If I met you for the first time, what would I see and what would I hear?  What would your body language tell me?  Would I want to get to know you better? Would I have confidence in your ability to do that job I might have available. Or, would I buy that product or service from you?
The need for confidence goes beyond work, of course. People like others who are confident as friends and potential partners.
When it comes to appearing confident, remember that over 70% of our communication is transmitted by our body language. So, while you are working to increase your  confidence, how do you change your body language to make you look confident?  Here are some tips to help:

Six Tips To Help You Look Confident

      1. Start with your feet.  Stand with them at least 12 inches apart and have your weight distributed evenly between them. Plant the soles of your feet firmly and evenly on the ground – let them give a firm support to the rest of your body. Now, you are rooted but not rooted to the spot! But don’t lock your knees – instead keep them soft and very slightly flexed.
      2. Let you spine be proud. Your spine protects and supports your internal organs! Feel your spine lifting you to the sky – that is what it is there for!  Lift your upper body out of your pelvis and stand upright.  Feel yourself “lengthening your spine” – stand proud!  Try thinking of a piece of string attached to the top of your head gently pulling upwards. But don’t stand rigidly – you are not a soldier on parade.
      3. Keep your shoulders relaxed. Let them drop – don’t lift them high. The shoulders and neck often show how tense we are – let yours relax.
      4. Let your shoulders widen rather than pull back. Open your chest up so that you can breathe freely.  That in itself will make you feel more relaxed.
      5. Smile.  Work on learning to smile naturally at home.   Practice some affirmations giving yourself some positive messages, for example; “relax and smile”, “calm and smile”, “wonderful people make me smile”.  Bring that smile to your eyes and let it broaden to fill your whole body and mind. Practice feeling how it feels.  Now when you meet other people say quietly to your self – “these are the wonderful people who make me smile”.  Now find yourself smiling.
      6. Change your focus.  When we go into a new situation if we lack confidence, we tend to focus on ourselves and how we feel.  You can deliberately change your focus to the people about you. Start to be interested in them rather than how you are feeling. You will look approachable and look more confident.

Finding help

Practice my six tips and you will be surprised at the effect.  You may well find yourself, not just looking more confident, but feeling more confident too.  It helps to work with a coach of course and I just happen to be a qualified confidence coach – so feel free to get in touch!

Wendy Mason is the Happiness Coach and author of a new novel, The Wolf Project Wendy is a life and career coach and writer. She is passionate about helping people find happiness at work and at home! She helps people reach their goals and aspirations, without sacrificing their home and personal life.  She believes coaching requires compassion, warmth and empathy. Wendy helps people reach their career goals and aspirations, without sacrificing their home and personal life. You can contact Wendy at wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com and find out more at http://wisewolfcoaching.com

CV review and interview preparation a speciality

          • Career Development – Preparing For Your Annual Performance Review
          • WiseWolf on the Discuss HR Blog – Career Development for the Over 60s
          • Career: Making the most of existing opportunities opportunities

 

Five Tips to Help You Feel More Confident

Five Tips to Help You Feel More Confident

This is a post I published a few years ago now but I believe it still useful.

Having a healthy amount of self-esteem and self-confidence is something that helps to make your life happier and more successful. Having confidence in yourself and your abilities goes a long way whether you’re facing a tough decision, adapting to a new situation or facing major change. Here are some tips on how to build your self-esteem.

1. Stay relaxed

Staying relaxed in general can help you see the bigger picture and not sweat the small stuff so much. It’s also a good frame of mind to be in when you’re taking a close look at the things you’re not so good at. There are lots of simple relaxation techniques around that can help – simple breathing exercises are easy to learn and really do help. Try this link.

2. Understand your strengths

Everybody’s good at something, and many people are good at quite a few things. Even if you don’t have a talent or strength that you’re aware of, you probably have some interests you can develop into strengths.Make a list of a few things you’re good at and a few things you’re interested in and would like to be better at. Share this list with someone you like and trust – this is a good exercise to do with a partner who also wants to work on their confidence. They can probably help you find other things you’re good at, too, and help you come up with a plan for developing other skills and interests.

3. Realize your limits.

Remember no one is perfect and no one can do everything. It may not always seem this way, but it’s true. So if you are not the chief executive or a millionaire – that’ is OK! You have a personality and a perspective on the world that’s all your own and completely valuable.

4. Stop criticizing yourself. Now!

This is one of the things that stop us achieving our goals and feeling good about ourselves. You are a mixture of strengths and weaknesses just like everyone else.Concentrate on the good bits! If you don’t do well at a particular project or task the first (or even the second time), it doesn’t mean that you never will. Perhaps you weren’t prepared or the time simply wasn’t right. It doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you or that you’ll never succeed. It is natural to feel disappointed but don’t get hooked on it – let it go and move on. You’ll be that much closer to achieving what you want if you do.

5. Celebrate the good things.

Notice all the good things you do in a day even the small things.Everything – the favor you do for a friend – the help you give a relative – it’s all good.Notice it and give yourself a big pat on the back.Get hooked on feeling good about what you achieve – it will become a habit. You could always keep a celebration journal to reflect on when you are feeling down.  Don’t be afraid to treat yourself when you do something good.

Wendy Mason is the Happiness Coach.  Wendy is a life and career coach and writer. She is passionate about helping people find happiness at work and at home! She helps people reach their goals and aspirations, without sacrificing their home and personal life.  She believes coaching requires compassion, warmth and empathy. Wendy helps people reach their career goals and aspirations, without sacrificing their home and personal life.You can contact Wendy at wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com and find out more at http://wisewolfcoaching.com

What is the formula for confidence in interviews, meetings or those big occasions?

Confidence in interviews

Confidence in interviews etc- recently we had a great guest post from Mary Hope on The Benefits Of Good Career Management. Mary has over 30 years of experience in business, teaching, HR, headhunting and coaching.  She believes passionately that people need to understand their own drivers and needs to find fulfilling careers. Today she shares with us her thoughts on how confidence destroys performance at interview and provides a solution.

What is the formula for confidence in interviews, meetings or those big occasions?

You can find lots of help and information about how to build your confidence for an interview. Usually these talk about preparation, rehearsing and looking the part. I give all that advice. But what if that is not enough. What if you know you have done all those things but you still feel a complete bag of nerves? What if you know that you will turn up at the interview shaking? If you know that you will get tongue-tied and worry that you might just dry up? What if you are really anxious that you won’t be able to think of anything to say? OR are you one of those people who just feels ‘I’m no good at interviews’? Who feels that, interviewers will ‘catch you out’ ‘spot that you are not really that good’, put you on the spot. MAYBE you are someone who hates talking about themselves and just feels shy and exposed.

Even if you have confidence in your own abilities to do a job it may not be enough to get you to feel confident in an interview.

And lack of confidence is a major issue in interviews because it clouds the way the interviewers see you.  Interviewers find it really hard to believe that you can do a job confidently if they see you shaking in an interview.

And feeling nervous about the interview will impact on you ability to answer the questions. Nervousness is like static on the line, your brain starts to pay attention to the static and the crackling and stops paying attention to formulating the answers. You tense up and your mouth dries up and you become so self-conscious you dry up. Literally your nerves stop you being able to perform.

If you have had bad experiences in the past they flood back to you and you re-experience failure. Sometimes the bad experiences and fear of failure means that you can’t even do the preparation required.

So how can you overcome this? Well you need to do all the really practical things suggested above and then you need to visualise yourself doing well in the interview. If you are nervous, that can be hard so with my clients I use a relaxation a creative visualisation technique. We literally run through all the things that you need to do perform well and then as I relax them and talk them through an imaginary interview where everything goes really well and they feel really confident. And it works. Clients report a sense of feeling more relaxed and going into their interviews feeling more confident. So imagine your way to success! These techniques work just as well at any nerve-wracking encounter.. big meeting, presentation  whatever.

In order to help more people use this very effective technique I have recorded on a CD, a session which you can purchase from my website . You can listen your way to confidence I have called it The Turbo Charge Interview Confidence Booster and you can find it by clicking here.

Mary Hope supports people to manage their careers more effectively and get paid more, promoted faster and feel more satisfied. She has over 30 years of experience in business, teaching, HR, headhunting and coaching. She believes passionately that people need to understand their own drivers and needs to find fulfilling careers.

Self acceptance – learning to accept yourself!

Self acceptance – learning to accept yourself!

Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 7 Learning to Accept Yourself

Self acceptance – learning to accept yourself! You can find the earlier posts in this series at the links below. In the last few posts I’ve asked you to start thinking about emotions. I’ve explained how identifying your troublesome emotion helps you gain control and make sure things turn out more positively for you in the future. As well as that, I asked you to think about what is most difficult for you, then I asked you to set some goals.

In the last post we thought about challenging and beginning to change those core beliefs we all carry. They get in the way when we want to make a personal change that will improve our lives. Now we are going to think about developing self acceptance.

Everyone who has ever lived has had problems.  Having problems doesn’t make you a better or worse human being – nor does it make you different.  In fact it makes you truly a human being – someone who makes mistakes and sometimes suffers misfortune. You are not what you do or what happens to you.  You are you, and one of us, the vast human race.  But it is great that you want to change or improve something about yourself!

If you accept yourself with what you see as flaws, it means you can concentrate on problem solving.  If you can’t accept yourself you can very easily be distracted by shame and the time you spend putting yourself down.

There is a great way of illustrating self acceptance.  It is called the big i/little i diagram ( Lazarus 1977)

If you look closely you will that this Big I (the self) is made up of lots of little Is. The little I’s are all the things about you; “I’m tall”, “I’m short”,” I’m fat”, “I’m thin”, “I’m good at sports”,” I’m hopeless at maths” etc.  Or they might be things that you have done; “I failed my exam”, “I hurt someone I loved”, “I give to charity”, etc.  Anyone of them may be true.  But none of them makes up the whole, wonderful complexity of you, yourself.

Now, if you can’t accept yourself, you might find this idea difficult to accept as well. But think about it.  And think about what I said in the last post about how to test self beliefs.  Think of all the evidence there is that you are complex with many aspects and experiences.  Then think about how you see other people in their complexity.  Now, think about which is the more helpful way to think about your self.

So suppose you see the things that you need to change as little Is, that you can work on.  They are not the whole big I that is going to do the work. Start to recognise yourself as complex and multi dimensional.

You could draw a large I diagram and then start to put into it all the little Is about you.  The good and the bad – make sure you are even-handed.  Now, circle some of those good Is and really concentrate on them.  Then, think about the things you want to change and let that complex, wonderful Big I you, start to make plans.

Remember, self acceptance doesn’t mean you become complacent and stop trying to make changes.  Self acceptance changes how you see the changes you want to make.  It helps to makes those changes manageable and achievable.  It means you do not waste precious time on putting your self down and feeling bad.

Self acceptance doesn’t happen over night it takes work.  It takes a little time every day thinking about the Big I and focusing on your goals to make the change you want. Work on it because the benefits of self acceptance, in terms of happiness, mental health and achievement, are huge.

The next post in this series will about strengthening and re-enforcing your new self-helping outlook.

You can learn how to develop self-esteem and to develop self acceptance and I would like to help you.  Email me now to arrange a free half-hour taster coaching session by Skype.

Wendy Smith, Career, life and Business Coach
Wendy Smith, Principal Coach, WiseWolf Life and Career Coaching

Wendy Smith is a career consultant, life coach and business coach with depth of experience in organisational development, management, coaching and personal development. That experience means she is equally at home helping clients find a new career direction, starting-up new businesses or dealing with life’s more challenging personal issues. You can contact her at wendy@wisewolfcoaching.com

Wendy has written a little eBook on how to get on with your boss and a book on job search – you can find all her books on Amazon at this link

         

 

Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 7 Learning To Accept Yourself

Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 7 Learning to Accept Yourself

You can find the earlier posts in this series at the links below. In the last few posts I’ve asked you to start thinking about emotions. I’ve explained how identifying your troublesome emotion helps you gain control and make sure things turn out more positively for you in the future. As well as that, I asked you to think about what is most difficult for you, then I asked you to set some goals.

In the last post we thought about challenging and beginning to change those core beliefs we all carry. They get in the way when we want to make a personal change that will improve our lives. Now we are going to think about developing self acceptance.

Everyone who has ever lived has had problems.  Having problems doesn’t make you a better or worse human being – nor does it make you different.  In fact it makes you truly a human being – someone who makes mistakes and sometimes suffers misfortune. You are not what you do or what happens to you.  You are you, and one of us, the vast human race.  But it is great that you want to change or improve something about yourself!

If you accept yourself with what you see as flaws, it means you can concentrate on problem solving.  If you can’t accept yourself you can very easily be distracted by shame and the time you spend putting yourself down.

There is a great way of illustrating self acceptance.  It is called the big i/little i diagram ( Lazarus 1977)

If you look closely you will that this Big I (the self) is made up of lots of little Is. The little I’s are all the things about you; “I’m tall”, “I’m short”,” I’m fat”, “I’m thin”, “I’m good at sports”,” I’m hopeless at maths” etc.  Or they might be things that you have done; “I failed my exam”, “I hurt someone I loved”, “I give to charity”, etc.  Anyone of them may be true.  But none of them makes up the whole, wonderful complexity of you, yourself.

Now, if you can’t accept yourself, you might find this idea difficult to accept as well. But think about it.  And think about what I said in the last post about how to test self beliefs.  Think of all the evidence there is that you are complex with many aspects and experiences.  Then think about how you see other people in their complexity.  Now, think about which is the more helpful way to think about your self.

So suppose you see the things that you need to change as little Is, that you can work on.  They are not the whole big I that is going to do the work. Start to recognise yourself as complex and multi dimensional.

You could draw a large I diagram and then start to put into it all the little Is about you.  The good and the bad – make sure you are even-handed.  Now, circle some of those good Is and really concentrate on them.  Then, think about the things you want to change and let that complex, wonderful Big I you, start to make plans.

Remember, self acceptance doesn’t mean you become complacent and stop trying to make changes.  Self acceptance changes how you see the changes you want to make.  It helps to makes those changes manageable and achievable.  It means you do not waste precious time on putting your self down and feeling bad.

Self acceptance doesn’t happen over night it takes work.  It takes a little time every day thinking about the Big I and focusing on your goals to make the change you want. Work on it because the benefits of self acceptance, in terms of happiness, mental health and achievement, are huge.

The next post in this series will about strengthening and re-enforcing your new self-helping outlook.

I know you can learn how to develop self-esteem and to develop self acceptance and I would like to help you.  Email me now to arrange a free half-hour taster coaching session by Skype.

Wendy Mason is a career coach working mainly with professional women who want to make that jump to senior level while having a life outside work. Before working as a coach, Wendy had a long career in both the public and private sectors in general management and consultancy as well as spells in HR. She now divides her time between face to face coaching, and coaching and blogging on-line. You can contact Wendy at wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com and find out more athttp://wisewolfcoaching.com

Coming shortly – Getting There With WiseWolf, the Career and Personal Development Programme – if you would like to know more emailwendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com

Earlier Posts in this series

    • Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 1 Admit A Change is Needed

    • Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 2 Be Clear About The Change You Want

    • Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 3 Be Clear About What Is Troubling You

    • Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 4 Identify what is most difficult for you

    • Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 5 Select Your Goals for Change
    • Be Successful -Making A Personal Change – Part 6 Change Your Core Beliefs

Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 6 Change Your Core Beliefs

Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 6 Change Your Core Beliefs

You can find the earlier posts in this series at the links below. In the last few posts I’ve asked you to start thinking about emotions. I’ve explained how identifying your troublesome emotion helps you gain control and make sure things turn out more positively for you in the future. As well as that, I asked you to think about what is most difficult for you, then I asked you to set some goals. Now we are going to think about challenging and beginning to change those core beliefs we all carry. They get in the way when we want to make a personal change that will improve our lives. As I’ve said before, success depends on being very honest with yourself.

We all carry unhelpful beliefs about ourselves, about other people and about the world about us. We gather them up as we go through life from our parents, our teachers, others about us and from things that happen to us. We learn to think, for example, that we are lazy or stupid. May be we think we are bad people, unworthy of happiness or success; or that people like us just never succeed! Most of these belief are not founded in anything real but we go on believing.

We may have failed at something once but that doesn’t mean we will not succeed this time or that we are less worthy of happiness.

There are three tests that we can apply to our core beliefs to see if it is worth letting them spoil the rest of our lives. They are

  • Logic

  • Reality-Testing

  • Helpfulness

Logic

If you have been unlucky enough to experience some kind of failure in life, such as, losing a job or a relationship, it isn’t logical to think of your self as a failure. Stop for one moment and think how you would judge a close friend or relation if they came to you and told you they were in the same place. What would you think and what would you say? So, why are you different? Is it sound, logical or consistent to apply different standards to you, to those you apply to the rest of the world? You are worthwhile even if you have failed lots of times – my word yes – you had the guts to try!

Reality-Testing

Does you core belief match with objective reality? Think of everything you have done throughout your life. Has every single thing been a failure? I doubt it. We all succeed at some things and fail at others. Think quietly about the good things you have done; things you have enjoyed and the things other people have liked and thanked you for. Gather evidence like a forensic detective. Where is the hard cold evidence that your core belief is really true – where does the balance of your life-long evidence lead you.

Helpfulness

What is carrying this core belief actually doing for you? Does it help you overcome your problems and feel better? Are you a “better” person because you carry this self belief? Some people do see calling themselves failures or unworthy as motivating them to do or be better. But for most of us, it just saps energy, erodes our self-esteem and makes us feel bad.

Coming to terms with the consequences of our core beliefs often helps us to have the confidence to get rid of them.

The next post in this series will about self acceptance. Accepting ourselves as we really are, is key to making that lasting change that is going to lead to real fulfilment and success in the future.

I know you can develop the confidence you need to change your core beliefs and I would like to help you.  Email me now to arrange a free half-hour taster coaching session.

Wendy Mason is a career coach working mainly with professional women who want to make that jump to senior level while having a life outside work. Before working as a coach, Wendy had a long career in both the public and private sectors in general management and consultancy as well as spells in HR. She now divides her time between face to face coaching, and coaching and blogging on-line. You can contact Wendy at wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com and find out more at http://wisewolfcoaching.com

Coming shortly – the WiseWolf Career and Personal Development Programme – if you would like to know more email wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com

Earlier Posts in this series

  • Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 1 Admit A Change is Needed

  • Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 2 Be Clear About The Change You Want

  • Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 3 Be Clear About What Is Troubling You

  • Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 4 Identify what is most difficult for you

  • Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 5 Select Your Goals for Change