Making Changes – What Is Troubling You?

Making Changes – What Is Troubling You?

Making Changes – part 3 of the series. Be Clear About Your Emotions!

What Is Troubling You? In the last post in this series  I discussed the need to be quite clear about what you need to change. I said you needed to be as specific and detailed as you could in the way you defined the change.  Starting with a clear and detailed description has a huge impact on the success of your change.


Next you need to think about how you really feel about the change. No significant change is made without some impact on our emotions.  Understanding what those emotions are and knowing how to manage their impact can be key to success.

Troublesome emotions

Troublesome emotions like anxiety, depression, guilt, shame, anger, hurt, jealousy and envy can occur at any time in our lives.  They might be associated with lots of different events. Sometimes they occur when most people may think there should be nothing to worry about.  But they worry you. And they can be very difficult to deal with.

Perhaps one theme and one emotion recurs time and again.  It hasn’t stopped you doing something but it has made it more difficult to do and less satisfying.

Teasing out exactly what the emotion could be is the first step in understanding the thoughts and beliefs behind it.  It can help you gain control of the emotion and make sure things turn out more positively in future.

What Is Troubling You? What do you really feel?

What do you feel, when you think about the change you have to make? Exactly what emotion is being stirred within you?

Now is the time to take some time for reflection. Try not to judge yourself for the emotion you feel. Be very honest with yourself.  Sometimes support from someone you trust like a coach can be helpful in working out what is troubling you.

The next post in this series will be about what aspect of the change is triggering the emotion and why?

If you have tips to share with others about making changes in your life – please get in touch.

Working with a coach can help you to change successfully – email me at the address below for information on how I can help you.

Wendy Smith, Career, life and Business Coach
Wendy Smith, Principal Coach, WiseWolf Life and Career Coaching

Wendy Smith is a career consultant, life coach and business coach with depth of experience in organisational development, management, coaching and personal development. That experience means she is equally at home helping clients find a new career direction, starting-up new businesses or dealing with life’s more challenging personal issues. You can contact her at wendy@wisewolfcoaching.com

Wendy has written a little eBook on how to get on with your boss and a book on job search – you can find all her books on Amazon at this link

         

Making Changes – Defining Change

Making Changes – Defining Change

Making Changes – part 2 of the series. Be Clear About The Change You Want!Defining change

Defining Change – Making Changes is series of posts about how to make positive changes in your personal or professional life that really work . So, I hope it helps you. Perhaps, you have comments, or would like further help? If so, my email address is at the bottom of the article.

In the last post in this series  I discussed the need to face reality,  admit that a change is needed and take responsibility for action.  Now is the time to be quite clear about what you need to change.

Be as specific and detailed as you can in the way you define the change. Starting with a clear and detailed description is important. If you don’t really know what you want, you can find yourself very disappointed after you made the change.

Defining change – tips!

Here are some tips to help you and define change and be clear about the problem you are trying to solve.

  1. Start with what you know now! Write down as much as possible about the thing you want to change, why you want to make a change and how you plan to make it.
  2. Consider what other information you might need. What gaps are there in your knowledge about the change you want to make. Do you understand completely how you are going to make the change and what the full effects might be?  For example, will other people be effected?  Do you need their support in making the change and are you likely to get it? How much time and money will it cost to do it and do you have those resources available?  Does making this change mean you will need to make others – what will they be?
  3. Collect the information you need.  This could include both facts and the opinions of others about the change you plan.  Don’t be afraid to ask for help. What has been their experience in making a similar change – what has worked for them and what has not?  Try to gather as much information as you can.

Now you are ready to define the change you want to make.

If you have gone through the steps above, you are ready to set down in detail what your change is and how you want to make it.  Write it down and make it as clear, colorful and detailed as you can.

The next post in this series is going to cover handling emotions when making changes in our lives. No significant change is made without some impact on our emotions and knowing how to manage that impact can be key to success.

I would love to hear your experiences in making changes in your life

Working with a coach can help you to change successfully – email me at the address below for information on how I can help you.

Wendy Smith, Career, life and Business Coach
Wendy Smith, Principal Coach, WiseWolf Life and Career Coaching

Wendy Smith is a career consultant, life coach and business coach with depth of experience in organisational development, management, coaching and personal development. That experience means she is equally at home helping clients find a new career direction, starting-up new businesses or dealing with life’s more challenging personal issues. You can contact her at wendy@wisewolfcoaching.com

Wendy has written a little eBook on how to get on with your boss and a book on job search – you can find all her books on Amazon at this link

         

The earlier post in this series

Making Changes – First, Admit A Change is Needed

Making Changes – Admit A Change is Needed

Making Changes – part 1 of the series. First, admit you need a change.Making Changes

Making Changes is series of posts about how to make positive changes in your personal or professional life that really work . So, I hope it helps you. Perhaps, you have comments, or would like further help? If so, my email address is at the bottom of the article.

Change happens

Making changes – yes, change is inevitable. And, you can’t avoid it, but sometimes we do our best to try!  At the end of the day, though, we all get caught up in it.  If you look back at your own life, and your career, you will know that this is true.

Some change is positive and some negative. But change is inevitable. So how do you make the most of it for you, your family and your career?

Facing reality

The secret is to recognize and truly acknowledge when a change is needed. Often it is hardest to admit to yourself when that change needs to be made within you.  Start to watch  and listen to the world around you and how those about you are responding. How do they respond to you? How have things changed? If they have changed, how are you going to respond? The world is changing constantly. So make scanning your horizons a regular part of your routine.

At home and at work

At home make sure you take time to really listen to those about you including close friends. It is all too easy to get into a busy routine that leaves no time to really talk to others outside of work. So, when you ask questions about how they are feeling, be ready to listen fully to an honest answer. And, give them time and space to fully express themselves while you take time to work out how best to respond.  Staying tuned-in is an important part of maintaining healthy relationships. If a relationship isn’t healthy, be ready to take the steps necessary to put things right

At work, ask your boss for feedback about your performance if it isn’t volunteered. Begin to see how others are working now. Listen to what your boss and your colleagues are saying about the future. Read the professional and trade journals for your sector and take part in your professional organization. Keep in touch on the internet with others in your market place through organisations like LinkedIn.

Making changes – admit you need a change.

Before you make a change, you need to truly acknowledge and accept you need one. Sometimes, it will be about something within yourself or the way you act.  Are you doing all you can to keep your relationships healthy?Are you fully meeting the needs of your job as it is now,  It is all too easy to assume everything has stayed the same. The reality is that probably it hasn’t. But of  course many of the changes may be for the better. How best to respond is really up to you.

Admitting you have a weakness is painful.  It is far more comfortable to blame your partner, the boss, your colleagues or your friends. It is easier to make excuses and rationalize the situation, than admit to things as they are really and begin making changes.

Making Changes – taking the first steps

Facing reality,  admitting there is a problem and taking responsibility for action set up the conditions needed for a successful change.  They are your first steps in making changes.

The next post in this series is about being clear about the change required. You can find it at this link

Wendy Smith, Career, life and Business Coach
Wendy Smith, Principal Coach, WiseWolf Life and Career Coaching

Wendy Smith is a career consultant, life coach and business coach with depth of experience in organisational development, management, coaching and personal development. That experience means she is equally at home helping clients find a new career direction, starting-up new businesses or dealing with life’s more challenging personal issues. You can contact her at wendy@wisewolfcoaching.com

Wendy has written a little eBook on how to get on with your boss and a book on job search – you can find all her books on Amazon at this link

         

 

Energy Drainers

Energy Drainers

Making a change – those who drain your energy

Energy drainers – if you are involved with any kind of change you will find it drains your energy. Energy will drain as you come to terms with new situations. energy drainersand deal with confusion. You will have to deal as well with anxiety – your own, and other people’s.  You will find yourself giving out lots of your energy in support of others.  But some people seem to take just a little too much – more than you can afford to give if you are going to stay fit for the task ahead.

We all feel insecure in the middle of change but energy drainers are usually people who are insecure and negative in their everyday life. Quite often they find it difficult to tolerate their own company. You may find people like this start to depend upon you to help them make all kinds of relatively simple life decisions.  They may phone or text you several times a day on any pretext – they can eat you as well as your time and sap your life force!

Energy drainers don’t know how to tap into their personal energy reserves to survive

Very often these sad people are stuck in “Survival Mode.”  They don’t know how to tap into their personal energy reserves to survive. Like children, they haven’t accepted responsibility for their own lives. But they find many ways, including emotional blackmail,  to persuade you to give them the emotional support  and the reassurance they need.  Life is frightening and they are very scared indeed!

We all know people like this. They might be old friends, family or work colleagues. You want to help but their needs are overwhelming.

So, what do you do?

Keep in mind that you may need to conserve your energy to manage a complex change.  If they are part of the change, you are certainly not going to be in a position to cut them out of your life.  Anyway, at the end of the day, most of us would actually like to be in a place to help.

The stance you take depends upon your relationship with the person and the level of your energy reserves. However, your first responsibility is to yourself. You, too, may have to adopt a “Survival Mode” attitude.

It is certainly much easier to deal with someone who is an acquaintance or a work colleague. You have no personal commitment to them and you have every right to say goodbye when you finish work.

Dealing with energy drainers

Always try to stay in a neutral space when talking to them.  Give neutral responses and try not to get drawn into their, or your, emotions.  When you deal with them, imagine you are wearing a breastplate to defend your energy – withhold your energy behind your breastplate. Deliver a neutral, and deliberately, low energy response. Offer no more and no less than is necessary to carry out the transaction.

As a personal survival technique, this approach is also applicable for family and old friends. However, you may choose to take a more compassionate and supportive stance by demonstrating “tough love.” Your goal here is to move them on from negative to positive. You want to move them back into using their own energy resources. In this way, you can help them to become self-sufficient.  Get them to think through their own options – to make choices and plan.  When they do so give them lots of quiet praise – move them on from whining to thinking about concrete ways they can help themselves!

Dealing with emotional blackmail

Be aware, though, that energy drainers will resort to many forms of subtle emotional blackmail to get access to your energy. Don’t let them! Let them know, through your actions, that your energy is no longer accessible to them. Encourage them to make decisions on their own and to enjoy their own company by simply not being available: physically or emotionally.

It will not be easy for you or them. You are breaking established patterns of behaviour and setting a new precedent. But eventually a new dynamic should be established. They should begin to take responsibility for their own life and their own decisions.

You may have to support them through a change as part of your role but do so in a managed way! With friends and family, if they will not take action, success will be impossible. So recognise when you have banged your head once too often against that proverbial brick. It may be the wisest step is simply to “let go.”

If you need help dealing with your energy drainer, please get in touch

Wendy Smith, Career, life and Business Coach
Wendy Smith, Principal Coach, WiseWolf Life and Career Coaching

Wendy Smith is a career consultant, life coach and business coach with depth of experience in organisational development, management, coaching and personal development. That experience means she is equally at home helping clients find a new career direction, starting-up new businesses or dealing with life’s more challenging personal issues. You can contact her at wendy@wisewolfcoaching.com

Wendy has written a little eBook on how to get on with your boss and a book on job search – you can find all her books on Amazon at this link

         

 

Creating a Sense of Urgency

Creating a sense of urgency

Leading Change the Kotter Way

Creating a sense of urgency is Step One in the well-established Kotter model of leading change.  But what exactly does that mean?

After 30 years of research, Dr John Kotter believes that most major change initiatives fail mainly because organisations don’t commit to seeing the change through and don’t take a holistic approach throughout.   He has demonstrated that his 8 step process provides the most credible way of delivering and embedding large-scale organisational change.

His method elaborates and enlarges upon Lewin’s simple Freeze Phase, three stage approach – square, blob, star.  The underlying principles are the same. The model is based on research which showed that there are eight critical steps an organization or service needs to go through to ensure that change happens and sticks. This series of posts considers these steps in greater detail. we have already reissued;  Step Two: Forming a Powerful CoalitionStep Three Creating a Vision for Change and Step Four: Communicating Your Vision.

You have to work really hard

When I put the words ‘creating a sense of urgency’ into a search engine, I came up with all kinds of great ideas!  For example,  inspiring the team to work together towards a goal!  Lots of pleasant and positive stuff. Sounds good doesn’t it –  makes you feel good!  The problem is that, sadly, these positive ideas don’t work if you want to make fundamental change in an organisation.

Kotter reckons that for change to be successful, 75% of a company’s management needs to “buy into” the change. In other words, you have to really work hard on Step One, and spend significant time and energy creating a sense urgency, before moving onto the next steps. Unfortunately, there are no pleasant and easy answers.

It is hard to persuade groups of people to move a long way out of  their comfort Creating a sense of urgencyzone!  They will not move unless they understand that staying where they are is not an option! That means convincing them that staying where they are is going to be painful, or is simply no longer possible.

As my old lecturer in change management said somewhere back in the 90s – unless the pain of staying where you are is greater than the pain of moving, you usually stay put! He started the lecture with a picture of an amoeba and gave us a lecture on the fundamentals of stimulus! He was pretty focused on the importance of creating a sense of urgency. Without it, there would be no fundamental change!

So what can you do for your group?  It isn’t as simple as just showing them the sales figures, or other written evidence of need, and expecting them to respond.  You need to work with them. Go through the figures and then help them think through the consequences of doing nothing! Make it real. Not just consequences for the organisation, but for them. Help them to ask; “What will it mean for me in six months if nothing changes?”

Let them understand and absorb the threat. Then, work with them to think through options for the future and how they can move forward.

Share the pain and then show how you can share the gain.

Show them what they have to  gain from making a change. This may not be much but there will always be something! If the facts mean potential redundancies, work out how can you work together to mitigate the effects.

Are there new working patterns that you can adopt, for example, flexible or short-time working? Are there new markets to explore. What do they know about that might be helpful?

But, be careful. There is a difference between sharing the pain so that together you can make a change  and creating panic. There is a big difference between creating a sense of urgency and throwing things into chaos.

Do your homework before you start.

You are the leader and you need to remain in the leadership seat. Keep your nerve. It won’t be easy but then no one said being a leader was easy! Prepare well – you will face some challenging questions!

Don’t be naive! When they leave your meeting or presentation, the rumour mill will get to work. So, follow up with good information. Keep the communications flowing about your plans. Always be prepared to answer questions and be available. There will be some questions afterwards that they wished they’d asked at the meeting.

If you have experience of creating a sense or urgency, please share your war stories.  If you have a change to make – I hope things go very well for you! In the meantime if you need help please get in touch, I’ve been there before you.

Meanwhile…

Here is a Kotter Reading List for you;

Wendy Smith is a career consultant, life coach and business coach with depth of experience in management, coaching and personal development. That experience means she is equally at home helping clients find a new career direction, starting-up new businesses or dealing with life’s more challenging personal issues. You can contact her at wendy@wisewolfcoaching.com

Wendy has written a little eBook on how to get on with your boss and a book on job search – you can find her books on Amazon at this link

         

Embedding Change

Embedding change

Embedding Change – Making It Stick And Creating A Culture

Embedding change – here are some ways to make sure the change in your organization is successful

  1. Give them the evidence Show people over and over that the change is real. Provide them with a steady stream of evidence to prove that the change has happened and is successful.  Set out to deliver real results at regular intervals in your change process and then tell people about them – don’t just wait for the big bang at the end. Get people involved and then get them to talk about their involvement.  Make sure everyone hears the news.
  2. Financial reward When loyalty and the joy of the job are not enough to keep people, they may need some financial or other rewards.  The promise of future reward may be enough to keep them engaged but make sure it isn’t too far out to be enticing — usually reasonable reward needs to be within a twelve-month timeframe. This risk is that when the reward is gained, you may lose them. If you want them to stay, you may need to keep a rolling “golden handcuff “ system
  3. Build change into formal systems and structures After a while, institutionalized things become so entrenched, people forget to resist and just do what is required, even if they do not agree with them.  So you can make changes stick by building them into the formal fabric of the organization, for example, in standards and personal objectives.
  4. Give them a new challenge A challenge is a great motivator that can focus people on new and different things. Get people to keep up interest in a change by giving them new challenges related to the change.  Make sure the challenges really stimulate them and keep them looking to the future.
  5. Reward people for doing the right things. A surprisingly common trap in change is to ask (or even demand) that people change, yet the reward system that is driving their behavior is not changed. Asking for teamwork then rewarding people as individuals is a very common example.  So when you make a change, make sure that you align the reward system with the changes that you want to happen.
  6. Rites of passage Rituals are symbolic acts to which we attribute significant meaning. A celebration to mark a change is used in many cultures, ranging from rites of passage to manhood for aboriginal tribes to the wedding ceremonies of Christian and other religions. Such ritual passages are often remembered with great nostalgia, and even the remembrance of them becomes ritualized.  When a change is completed, celebrate with a party or some other ritualized recognition of the passing of a key milestone.  You can also start a change with a wake (which is a party that is held to celebrate the life of someone who has died) to symbolize letting go of the past.  Create new rituals to help shift the culture to a new form. Use these, if possible, to replace the rituals that already exist.
  7. Socializing Build your change into the social fabric. A change that is socialized becomes normal and the ‘way things are’.  When something becomes a social norm, people will be far more unlikely to oppose it as to do so is to oppose the group and its leaders. Seal changes by building them into the social structures.  Give social leaders prominent positions in the change. When they feel ownership for it, they will talk about it and sell it to others.

If you have other ideas for embedding change and making it successful, please share them here.

Wendy Smith, Career, life and Business Coach
Wendy Smith, Principal Coach, WiseWolf Life and Career Coaching

Wendy Smith is a career consultant, life coach and business coach with depth of experience in organisational development, management, coaching and personal development. That experience means she is equally at home helping clients find a new career direction, starting-up new businesses or dealing with life’s more challenging personal issues. You can contact her at wendy@wisewolfcoaching.com

Wendy has written a little eBook on how to get on with your boss and a book on job search – you can find all her books on Amazon at this link

         

>

Embedding Change – Making It Stick And Creating A Culture

Embedding Change – Making It Stick And Creating A Culture

Here are some ways to make sure the change in your organization is successful

  1. Give them the evidence Show people over and over that the change is real. Provide them with a steady stream of evidence to prove that the change has happened and is successful.  Set out to deliver real results at regular intervals in your change process and then tell people about them – don’t just wait for the big bang at the end. Get people involved and then get them to talk about their involvement.  Make sure everyone hears the news.
  2. Financial reward When loyalty and the joy of the job are not enough to keep people, they may need some financial or other rewards.  The promise of future reward may be enough to keep them engaged but make sure it isn’t too far out to be enticing — usually reasonable reward needs to be within a twelve-month timeframe. This risk is that when the reward is gained, you may lose them. If you want them to stay, you may need to keep a rolling “golden handcuff “ system
  3. Build change into formal systems and structures After a while, institutionalized things become so entrenched, people forget to resist and just do what is required, even if they do not agree with them.  So you can make changes stick by building them into the formal fabric of the organization, for example, in standards and personal objectives.
  4. Give them a new challenge A challenge is a great motivator that can focus people on new and different things. Get people to keep up interest in a change by giving them new challenges related to the change.  Make sure the challenges really stimulate them and keep them looking to the future.
  5. Reward people for doing the right things. A surprisingly common trap in change is to ask (or even demand) that people change, yet the reward system that is driving their behavior is not changed. Asking for teamwork then rewarding people as individuals is a very common example.  So when you make a change, make sure that you align the reward system with the changes that you want to happen.
  6. Rites of passage Rituals are symbolic acts to which we attribute significant meaning. A celebration to mark a change is used in many cultures, ranging from rites of passage to manhood for aboriginal tribes to the wedding ceremonies of Christian and other religions. Such ritual passages are often remembered with great nostalgia, and even the remembrance of them becomes ritualized.  When a change is completed, celebrate with a party or some other ritualized recognition of the passing of a key milestone.  You can also start a change with a wake (which is a party that is held to celebrate the life of someone who has died) to symbolize letting go of the past.  Create new rituals to help shift the culture to a new form. Use these, if possible, to replace the rituals that already exist.
  7. Socializing Build your change into the social fabric. A change that is socialized becomes normal and the ‘way things are’.  When something becomes a social norm, people will be far more unlikely to oppose it as to do so is to oppose the group and its leaders. Seal changes by building them into the social structures.  Give social leaders prominent positions in the change. When they feel ownership for it, they will talk about it and sell it to others.

If you have other ideas for embedding change and making it successful, please share them here.
Wendy Mason is a career coach.  She helps people reach their goals and aspirations, without sacrificing their home and personal life.  Before working as a coach, Wendy had a long career in both the public and private sectors in general management and consultancy as well as spells in HR.  She now divides her time between coaching and writing. You can contact Wendy at wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com and find out more at http://wisewolfcoaching.com

People Matter

People Matter

Leading Change – People Matter

People Matter – this is not a new post but I thought it was worth re-posting because the message holds good for all time 

I’ve just seen an advert for a “change management lead” for a multi-national facilities management company – they provide everything from reception services to construction.  It asks for Prince2 (project management skills) and Six Sigma (improving the quality of process outputs) certification.  It mentions the enterprise management system used by the organisation and says the post-holder would be required to set up and document SLAs and define KPIs.  Sadly, beyond asking for the candidate to have strong interpersonal skills, the one thing it doesn’t mention is PEOPLE and leading people – this from a company in the heart of the services sector!

Makes you wonder doesn’t it?  If a services organisation doesn’t know enough about change to know that people, and the leadership of people, are at the heart of any change then we really do have a long way to go to spread the message! But something else strikes me as well!  If the applicant is required to lead change then this company doesn’t really know much about leadership either and that has much wider implications!

Wendy Smith, Career, life and Business Coach
Wendy Smith, Principal Coach, WiseWolf Life and Career Coaching

Wendy Smith is a career consultant, life coach and business coach with depth of experience in organisational development, management, coaching and personal development. That experience means she is equally at home helping clients find a new career direction, starting-up new businesses or dealing with life’s more challenging personal issues. You can contact her at wendy@wisewolfcoaching.com

Wendy has written a little eBook on how to get on with your boss and a book on job search – you can find all her books on Amazon at this link

         

>

Leading Change – People Matter

Leading Change – People Matter

This is not a new post but I thought it was worth re-posting because the message holds good for all time 

I’ve just seen an advert for a “change management lead” for a multi-national facilities management company – they provide everything from reception services to construction.  It asks for Prince2 (project management skills) and Six Sigma (improving the quality of process outputs) certification.  It mentions the enterprise management system used by the organisation and says the post-holder would be required to set up and document SLAs and define KPIs.  Sadly, beyond asking for the candidate to have strong interpersonal skills, the one thing it doesn’t mention is PEOPLE and leading people – this from a company in the heart of the services sector!

Makes you wonder doesn’t it?  If a services organisation doesn’t know enough about change to know that people, and the leadership of people, are at the heart of any change then we really do have a long way to go to spread the message! But something else strikes me as well!  If the applicant is required to lead change then this company doesn’t really know much about leadership either and that has much wider implications!

Wendy Mason is a career coach.  She helps people reach their goals and aspirations, without sacrificing their home and personal life.  Before working as a coach, Wendy had a long career in both the public and private sectors in general management and consultancy as well as spells in HR.  She now divides her time between coaching and writing. You can contact Wendy at wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com and find out more at http://wisewolfcoaching.com

  • Leading and Managing Change – It Starts With One
  • A Charming Introduction to Leading Change – Our Iceberg Is Melting

Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 5 Select Your Goals For Change

Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 5 Select Your Goals For Change

You can find the earlier posts in this series at the links below.  In the last two posts I asked you to start thinking about emotions.  I explained how identifying your troublesome emotion helps you gain control and make sure things turn out more positively for you in the future. On top of that, I asked you to think about what is most difficult for you.  I said that success depends on being very honest with yourself.

Now we know what the problems are, we are going to set some goals. Goals are the outcomes that you want from your change. Selecting them sounds very simple but there are things that you would be wise to avoid.

  1. Don’t choose a goal that you can’t achieve or that depends on someone else changing first.  For example, you can decide that you will try to be less jealous in a relationship.  But you can’t control your partner’s behavior so that he does less of whatever it is that triggers your jealousy.  Though, you might decide that in future, instead of getting upset, you will explain to him quietly what has just happened to make you feel unhappy
  2. Don’t select quick-fix, short-term goals that don’t really deal with the underlying problem.  You’ll simply feel more frustrated next time
  3. Do not set out your goals in negative terms,  for example, “I don’t want to keep eating foods that do me harm”.  Instead, focus on the positive – “I want to eat a healthy diet and feel fitter”.
  4. Don’t set yourself unrealistic goals which are either too challenging – “I will run three miles a day” for example – when you first start running.  You will probably fail, feel miserable and give up.  But nor should you set the bar too low – “I will run round the block”. That might be so easy it gives you no feeling of satisfaction, so again you give up.
  5. Don’t be too stoical.  Don’t be so brave that you don’t make a real change that might relieve your pain and make you happy
  6. Don’t be too vague – for example, “I want to lose weight” is far less effective than “I want to lose 20 pounds by Christmas, so starting now, I will lose 2 pounds each week.”
  7. Don’t set goals that conflict with your values. For example,  “I resolve not to upset my husband by telling him how unhappy his behavior makes  me, because I know it upsets him”. His behavior may not be acceptable to you in terms of your values and keeping quiet may damage your self-esteem, as well as feeling miserable and resentful.

Goals you set for yourself are not set in concrete.  It will make sense to review them as you make your change.  This is to make sure they are still relevant and that they stay challenging, but achievable.

The next post in this series on making a personal change will be about challenging and changing the core beliefs we all carry.  They can get in the way of making a personal change to improve our lives.

The earlier posts in this series are below.

Wendy Mason is a Life and Career Coach.  She helps people have the confidence they need to be successful at work and to change career while maintaining a good work/life balance. You can email her at wendymason@wisewolfcoaching.com

Earlier Posts in this series

  • Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 1 Admit A Change is Needed
  • Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 2 Be Clear About The Change You Want
  • Be Successful – Making A Personal Change – Part 3 Be Clear About What Is Troubling You
  • Be Successful-Making A Personal Change – Part 4 Identify what is most difficult for you